Hidden feelings | Kirk Hammett

FLASHBACK (part 2)

[1979 - The Smashing Pumpkins]

The detention room was just a regular classroom, there was no one in it except for a balding middle aged man I assumed would be supervising and Kirk sitting at a desk in the back corner of the room.

He looked up from his desk and waved me over, gesturing for me to take the seat next to him.

"Hi there." he greeted, giving me that goofy smile.

"You are to stay in here for two hours, you may not leave unless it is to go to the bathroom. Once your two hours is up, I will let you leave." the teacher stated, walking out of the room.

"So what are your interests?" I started the conversation.

"Well I really like music.."

"Oh my gosh me too!" I said excitedly.

"What are your favourite bands?" He asked.

"Well, I like Black Sabbath, UFO, The Misfi-" I was cut off by him.

"I love all of those bands! And The Misfits are awesome because I love horror as well!" He beamed.

For the entire two hours of detention, we talked about our interests, and it was never boring. I learned that he likes to play guitar when he feels overwhelmed or unhappy, and I told him that I play the drums. Kirk was such a sweet guy and I loved hearing him talk about his interests, he spoke so passionately and he never seemed to be shy while going on about them.

We exchanged numbers and were finally let out of the classroom.

-------------------------------------------------

And that's how we became friends.

Over the next two years we became closer, he would come over to my place whenever he was at home alone with his alcoholic father. He told me that he would get extremely violent and Kirk was scared of being around him.

My parents were very understanding of him coming over, they would never question why he came at such odd times of the day, or why he sometimes had strange cuts on his body.

When his father wasn't around, I went over to his place as well. His mother was a really sweet woman and she would make us Filipino food.

We did so many things together, we would go out for ice cream, watch horror movies at the cinema, and sometimes just sit in my room talking for hours and hours about our future.
We even went to prom together as friends. Many people asked if we were a couple, but we just politely declined every time. I honestly loved him so much, but it was never in a romantic way.

In one of our late night talks, Kirk told me he wanted to be a musician. I told him I wanted to go to university and be a lawyer, but a lot of my dream universities were in another state, which meant I had to leave him. He supported this though, and told me I should pursue what I wanted to do.

I was hesitant on leaving, but I knew he was right. We promised to stay in contact.

The last thing I remember was him waving at me giving me a sad smile as my taxi got farther and farther away from him until he disappeared into the horizon.

But over the years, our promise became harder to keep. We were both occupied in our lives and couldn't call very often, and one day we just stopped calling all together. It was alright, we needed to move on with our own lives and I knew it was for the better.

If the universe really wanted us to meet, we would.

And I held on to that for the next few years.

My dreams of being a lawyer were shattered when I dropped out because my father lost his job and we could no longer pay the tuition fee. I decided to move back to San Francisco and get a job.

I got one working as the cashier of a bookstore which my aunt owned, working alongside my cousin (who was also my roommate) Nancy, and my friend Maya.