Hidden feelings | Kirk Hammett

24. Marshmallows

"Hold on I got one.." James announced to us in the car as we were speeding off down the highway. Cliff was driving as usual, him being the most trusted driver between us. Our long drives to different locations were usually spent listening to music, eating snacks, and games of would you rather.

"Would you rather be a pedophile or a necrophile? I know none of those things are right- but if you were forced to be one of them, then which?"

"What kinda question is that?" Lars responded from the front seat.

I thought about it. Everyone sat in silence, except for the frequent sound of the chewing of chips from Lars and Kirk.

"Necrophile." Cliff said bluntly after a moment of silence.

"Why?" Kirk asked curiously, taking another bite from a Pringle. Cliff turned down the volume of the music before continuing.

"James didn't say I had to act on those urges. That means that I only have those feelings, but I can resist them. You see children everyday, but it's not everyday you see a dead corpse. And if I was a pedophile, people would look at me like a creep and a predator, and rightfully so. But if I was a necrophile, I think I would be perceived as mentally ill, and people would just think I'm fucked in the head and want to send me to a psych ward. Both of those things are terrible but I'd rather be a necrophile." He concluded.

"That's.. smart. I'd pick necrophile too then." Kirk said.

We all agreed on that, as silence filled the vehicle once again and Cliff turned up the music.

♧

It was about 9 at night, and the scenery was just beautiful. The moon was full tonight, and the cool air blew against my hair and skin. Once we had put our things into our motel rooms, we left to the barbecue. I was delighted to be sharing a room with Kirk again.

Cliff had told us about this public barbecuing area nearby, so that's where we headed. Maya, being prepared for anything, had packed barbecuing forks, so we brought that along. We also took a short trip to a supermarket to buy marshmallows before going to the barbecue area.

I'd expected to see a lot of people there, as it was the weekend. But there wasn't a soul in sight as we arrived and started the fire.

We settled down around the fire, took the forks out and began impaling the marshmallows on them. A comfortable silence fell between us, as we roasted our marshmallows above the roaring flames.

"Fock!" Lars sweared, cursing at the marshmallow on his stick. He had forgotten to turn the fork, so one side was burnt while the other was slightly golden brown.

"Imagine not being able to roast a marshmallow-" James snickered.

"Fock you!"

"Here you can have mine." I handed him my barbecue fork and took his.

"Thank you, Jules." He smiled at me before narrowing his eyes at James and giving him a dirty look.

"No problem, just don't let if happen again." I responded. I discarded the burnt marshmallow with a tissue and tossed it in a nearby bin before putting a new one on and holding it over the fire.

♧

The marshmallows were amazing. The weather wasn't. As the night went on, it got colder and I cursed myself for not bringing a jacket. I began physically shivering against my will. "Shit, it's cold." I mumbled under my breath, not expecting anyone to hear it.

"You alright? Come here, you seem cold." Kirk said next to me, gesturing for me to sit in front of him by opening his legs and arms.

"I am cold, thanks.." I replied, sitting in between his thighs, as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

What's up with all the physical touch lately? Is this his way of telling me he feels differently about me? If so, why doesn't he just say so?

"Do you feel better?" He whispered into my ear, so that only I could hear.

"Yeah, thank you." I muttered, whenever he whispered things to me I would always try my hardest not to just crumble on the spot.

"One day we're not gonna have to live off of motels and cheap food." James started.

"You think?" Cliff answered, turning his fork around.

"Yeah Cliff, one day we're gonna stay at expensive hotels and eat fancy food while touring the fucking world. One day we're gonna be a household name." James grinned as he imagined it.

Cliff chuckled. "I sure hope so, or else my parents are gonna go make me get a 'real job'."

"Just you wait Cliff, we're gonna be huge." Lars added on.

"Damn it's amazing to think about. A fuck ton of money and fame, and a different chick to fuck every night."

"Yeah that's cool, but I don't care about chicks when I've got my girl right here." Cliff laughed and kissed Maya on the cheek.

"You guys are finally dating?" Kirk asked, I could feel his breath on the side of my neck.

"Yeah.." Maya blushed, Cliff pulled her onto his lap.

"Took you long enough, Cliff."

Cliff laughed and shrugged.

"How long's it gonna take for you to date?" Lars directed the question to me and Kirk.

"I told you, we're just friends. I love her, just not like that.." Kirk sighed, his hot breath on my neck again.

I nodded, staring at the fire.

"Sure, you're just friends." James rolled his eyes jokingly.

Cliff directed the conversation to something else. I had a feeling he sensed my discomfort.

They started talking about something else, but I didn't pay attention.

Me and Kirk. We were like an oxymoron, weren't we? 'Just friends' but our actions seemed otherwise. His arms around my waist suggested otherwise. Friends don't sleep together. They don't hold each other like this. It was so frustrating. Every single time he had touched me, I had felt a spark in me, only to be washed down by all of that 'just friends' bullshit.