Pangarap ng Simbahan

Chapter 33

Jenice Claire's POV

It was still dark nung gumising ako dahil sa nightmare, lumabas nalang ako sa ward at naglakad-lakad, i checked my phone and it was still 2 A.M. at night, parang may isang part sakin na pumasok sa chapel room  noong nakasalubong ko ito

The night is dawning in this quiet place and i followed it, pumasok ako sa prayer room and can see no other person inside except me, it took me a while before i sat down listening to nothing but silence in this lonely facility and para bang gusto kong sumigaw para mabasag na ang katahimikan but i didn't

Instead ay umupo ako sa mga upuan at subukan ang sarili ko na kausapin siya, kung ano man 'yong napanaginipan ko a few moments ago ay sana hanggang panaginip lang talaga yun

I can't afford to lose my father for the second time, the trauma was still there when i think of daddy and it would only lead me to severe depression and anxiety questioning my life and my faith to God, in short, my character development will stop and I'll be that attitude atheist girl again, and that was the moment when I haven't met Pedro yet and now that i met him

All i can say is my character is developing and I'm on my way to be the best version of Jenice Claire soon, i talked to God for a while about my dreams, sobrang nakakatakot na sana hindi mangyayari sa totoong buhay, I'm scared of losing Jeff because i already experienced losing daddy

"Hey", i quietly said to him looking at the cross, "Nakapag-usap na ulit tayo after four years, akala ko hindi ka totoo, I can't even imagine myself na babalik pa sayo, but here i am, talking to you again", hindi talaga ako makapaniwala na mag-uusap pa ulit kami

Matagal-tagal na ang paglimot ko sa kanya, and now he's proving himself to me na totoo pala siya through the good things that happened in my life kagaya ni Pedro, yung love and blessing of a stepfather like Jeff

Naiirita talaga sa tuwing binabanggit ng mga tao ang pangalan niya, hindi naman sa sinasapian ako ng masamang espiritu but because of the people na kaya pa ring magtiwala sa kanya kahit parusahan pa sila sa buhay, pero ako, i can't handle it anymore, labag sa kalooban ko ang kausapin siya

I'm slowly doing my best to become a better person in life, and now, i can see myself talking to God at parang gumagaan na yung pakiramdam ko sa kanya, hindi tulad nung dati, it was all because of Pedro

I'll risk myself to believe in God again kahit alam kong susubukan niya ulit ang pananampalataya ko sa kanya. Mahigit kalahating oras na akong tahimik dito at nakatitig pa rin sa cross, hindi ko pa rin pinoproblema yun dahil wala namang ibang taong nakakita sakin and to end my talking time with him

"Kung kaya mong iligtas si Jeff at gisingin siya mula sa pagiging coma, then fine, I'll have faith in you, magtitiwala ulit ako sayo", i made a deal or a promise to do just to let him prove na kung totoo siya at kaya niyang iligtas si Jeff sa pagiging comatose, then i might as well maniwala at manalig ulit sa kanya, if kung magagawa niya yun

Pero kung kukunin niya din pala si Jeff in the end then i might as well kalimutan nalang siya at huwag nang paniwalaan sa buong buhay ko, i made a promise and I'll keep it

The door opens in the late morning and i was already awake, had my breakfast and ready to look at Jeff again and as i look up the door ay si Pedro ang nakita ko

"Pedro", i called to him as i went to him at niyakap siya ng mahigpit, "Kumusta na siya", he asks casually about Jeff's condition and i reply, "Natutulog pa rin siya", yaya, in complete surprise kung anong ginawa ko kay Pedro, ay ngumiti siyang nakatingin sa amin