Pangarap ng Simbahan

Chapter 14

Jenice Claire's POV

The engine revved up as it was backing up from the gate, its July 26 and pupunta na ako sa cemetery which is only 5 kilometers away, i am wearing my beige colored slacks and a white t-shirt.

It's daddy's 4th death anniversary today and pupunta ako dun na mag isa, watching the car as it gets prepared by manong driver, i can already feel the sadness i wished i never felt

I miss those times when daddy was alive, when i would always hug him and kiss him on the cheeks, when we go out and eat pizza, burger and other foods that make me happy

Those times when we just simply go out to beaches and resorts every vacation, sometimes tumatagal kami ng ilang days doon, those times when i always say 'i love you' to him and his soft-spoken voice would respond 'i love you anak'

And realizing how he influenced me with kindness and generosity made me become a beautiful person in life, but that was before he passed away, back then, i was a beautiful person with a colorful personality filled with so many dreams, my heart was full of love, passion and the flame of my faith burning so bright believing that miracles can happen, and more of that

Daddy's girl talaga ako and it made me feel sad kahit hindi pa ako nakarating sa sementeryo, sa puntod niya

"Maam, handa na po ang sasakyan"

Sabi ng manong driver and after that ay sumakay na ako sa car, ako lang ang pumunta ngayon kasi busy si mommy and si Jeff, bakit naman pupunta si Jeff? Kapal-kapal ng pagmumukha niya!

That is another reason why i chose to go alone it's because sasama daw si Jeff sa pagvisit ni daddy!

Daddy, kung nasaan ka man ngayon, please paki sakal nalang si Jeff, nakakairita na siya kahit na alam kong he's a good person and has good intentions

I quietly laughed for a moment while thinking about it, anyways i'll talk to dad more when i get to his place

It was about 10 in the morning when i arrived, it was a cloudy day when i got off from the car, wearing my shoulder and carrying my phone i glanced around of the place, i can only hear nothing but silence coming to my ears

"Manong hintayin mo lang ako, i'll be back in a few minutes"

I said to manong driver and he replied, "Sige po maam"

While hearing it, i think it tells me the go signal para pumasok sa sementeryo, well, it was a public cemetery since because we chose to, hindi nilibing si daddy sa private since it's so far like 10 kilometers aways and it would cost us almost a hundred thousand pesos, so choosing public was much better compare sa private, anyways you'll get it

Walking in the cemetery, i was bringing the 10 white little candles i just bought from the store together with the box of matches i just borrowed, as i was walking i can already remember the moment delivering daddy to this place with all the people wearing white, i felt such a cold breeze passing through me, i can already feel the sadness here, so quiet, so lonely along with all the people silently resting in peace

Dumaan ako sa maraming puntod ng mga namayapang tao ang ilan bata pa, ang ilan matanda na, making me feel lucky that I'm still alive in this world, safe at humihinga pa rin

I suddely felt a glimpse of happiness as i arrived sa puntod ni daddy, well, kahit nasa public kami, his place was very special, surrounded by tiles and  barriers na para bang isang maliit na bahay kahit na wala siyang gate but still it looked like a beautiful house especially made for him to rest in peace

"Hey dad", i greeted him forcing a smile

Pagkatapos ay hinaplos ko ang kanyang lapida, color gray ang lapida niya, nakalagay ang pangalan niya, araw kung kailan siya pinanganak and the day he died, his picture was also inserted sa lapida

He was the perfect definition of a man, nasa forties na siya, mga buhok niya na pinaikli, color brown na mga mata niya, matamis niyang ngiti na nagpapatamis sa buhay ko

On the bottom lies a quote saying:

"Your memories will last forever in our hearts, you will always be remembered"

Crap! the quote hit me so hard that i almost fell a tear, damn! I am always softhearted when i talk to daddy, but i'll try to hold back these tears

I need to be strong, so, i picked the box of matches and lit up the candles carefully as i can, while feeling a combination of sadness because of losing him, and happiness now that he's not suffering anymore

I almost forgot of the flowers, i took the flowers out of my shoulder bag, and put it in the flower vase beside the candles, I bought and i lit those candles because i respect daddy's faith, even though hindi na ako naniniwala sa mga Gods

It took me a while to speak to him, i was looking around of the place and was just listening to the overwhelming silence of it, it would be bad to break the silence, however, i'll try to speak a little soft tone

"Daddy, alam mo ba, na, miss na miss na kita"

I sadly spoke to him as the first tear fell into my eyes, damn! It's so hard to be strong lalo na kung yung taong dahilan ng lakas mo ay wala na

I'm having a hard time but no one seems to be able to see me, so, i'll just burst all of my tears and maybe i'll feel better afterwards

"It's been four lonely years since you left me, ang laki ng pinagbago ko, I'm so sorry"

I apologized to him as my tears started on falling, my eyes continuously pouring with tears because of the severe sadness that i felt

"Hindi na ako ang dating Jenice na masayahin, yung dating Jenice na nagtitiwala sa miracles, yung dating Jenice na full of love and faithful to God"

I said to him crying with all my heart as my tears keep on falling, I've changed so much when daddy passed away, i wiped my tears and continued on talking

"I've changed so badly, akala ko okay na ako, pero hindi pa pala"

I added kahit na humahagulgol na ako sa pag-iiyak, heavily breathing as i slowly feel someone coming behind me, i was crying so hard that I didn't noticed it anymore

I was crying inside and outside, bowing my head as my tears keep on falling like rain from the sky, i was at my weakest when someone called my name

"Jenice"

A normal soft-spoken voice coming near me, is that you, dad?

I kept on crying as the person slowly approached me and caressed me, hinihimas-himas niya ang likod ko just to ease my emotions, i cried so hard and i needed that comfort so bad

Nakayuko parin ako assuming na sana si daddy nga but he's long gone and believing in miracles will only hurt me more

"Okay lang yan, umiyak ka lang, dahil yang sakit na nararamdaman mo, ay hindi makakapantay ng kaligayahang darating sayo"

His soft-spoken voice comforted me and as i looked up to see that person, i never expected for a miracle then it suddenly came to me unexpectedly, i looked up and see Pedro, comforting me

I was about to explode because of the sadness but he came to save me, i hugged him so tight as i was still crying, thank you, Pedro

At kung kailangan mo ako

Sa oras ng iyong pag-iisa

Kung naninimdim

Asahan mong ako ay darating

Kung kailangan mo ako

Sa sandaling bigo na ang lahat

Pusong kay tamis

Kailanma'y di kita matitiis

Sa sandaling kailangan mo ako

Thank you, my unexpected miracle