I Am a Woman

Chapter 40

Chapter 40

Hindi ko na nakayanan ang mga naiisip at nakita ko. Instead of confronting her and the man she was with, I just chose to wait for her in her office.

My thoughts are eating me up. Paano kung totoo nga ang naiisip ko? What if that's why she doesn't want to give us a chance?

If that's the case, ano ang mangyayari sa akin? I will be left out again. She might leave me again.

I am just in the process of bringing back my happiness. I haven't fully grasped it. I can touch it, but I can't own it and hold it tightly. Ano 'to patikim lang?

I'm afraid that I'll be alone again—that I'll spend most of my nights crying in pain, waking up at 2 AM because I miss her.

Did I just waste two years of my life waiting for her, just for her to choose a man in the end?

Kung iisipin, ako lang naman itong habol nang habol sa kanya noong una pa lang. She didn't like me back then. She wasn't interested in me. Ako lang naman itong ipinipilit ang sarili sa kanya.

I am sure of myself—I only want and need her. I don't need a man. I don't need anyone other than her. Pero para sa kanya? Hindi ko alam. What if she realized that a man is what she really wants?

These thoughts are making me lose hope for us.

In my usual, I will confront her. I will show her that I'm jealous. But this time, I don't know what to do. The situation is kinda different because it's a man and not like any other girl that I'm used to.

I want to cry, pero ayaw ko na maabutan niya akong umiiyak dito sa office niya. That will just result in a confrontation, and I'm afraid of her answers. I'm afraid that her answers aren't favorable for me.

Ilang buntong hininga na ang pinakawalan ko habang naghihintay sa kanya. Halos kalahating oras din ang lumipas bago ito dumating.

"Oh, you're here." Tila nagugulat pa na sambit niya.

My heart aches when I notice that she looks kind of disappointed that I'm here. Why Cee?

Ngumiti lang ako nang pilit para hindi niya mahalata na may gumugulo sa isipan ko. But the truth is, my thoughts almost want to burst out of my mind, yet I still tried my best to hold it in. I don't want to hurt her with my words, even though I'm already hurting inside.

"Did you eat lunch already?" Tanong niya bago tumungo sa table niya at ibinaba ang isang paper bag na may tatak ng logo ng restaurant kung saan ko siya nakita kanina.

I hummed in response and nodded, kahit hindi pa naman ako nakakakain ng lunch. I was rushing to go here because I wanted to eat lunch with her, pero may kasama na pala siyang iba.

She just simply said 'okay' and sat on her chair. Nagsimula itong mag-asikaso ng mga papeles na nasa ibabaw ng table niya. While me? I'm just sitting on the sofa and still drowning in deep thoughts and what ifs.

Ilang minuto pa siguro ang lumipas bago ulit ito magsalita.

"Verra, is there something wrong?" The tone of her voice seems worried. Masyado ba akong halata para mapansin niya agad?

"Did something bad happen sa meeting niyo?" Tanong niya ulit.

"W-Wala." I answered and avoided her gaze. Pero tila hindi ito nakuntento sa sagot ko at lumapit pa sa pwesto ko.

Umupo ito sa tabi ko at akmang hahawakan ako ng mabilis akong tumayo para lumayo sa kanya. Nakita ko ang pagkunot ng noo nito.

"Now, what's really the problem?" Nagtatakang tanong niya. Ako naman ay pilit na iniiwasan ang mga mata niya.