I Am a Woman

Chapter 13

Chapter 13

"You look like you haven't slept for one whole month. What's your problem?" I heard Satarrah say.

I know I look horrible. Wala akong maayos na tulog dahil sa katangahan na ginawa ko. I feel so guilty. Those memories with Verra that night never left my mind.

"Verra is not talking to me."

Nakita kong tumaas ang isang kilay niya dahil mukhang hindi niya inaasahan ang sinabi ko. Of course, paano ba naman noong huli naming pagkikita ang alam niya ay ayaw kong kausapin si Verra tapos ngayon malalaman niya na pinoproblema ko na hindi ako nito kinakausap. Malamang magtataka talaga ito.

"What do you mean? Ano ang ginawa mo?" She asked while staring at me with judgement in her eyes.

"I did something terrible to her." Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kaniya matapos sabihin iyon. Itinuon ko na lang ang tingin sa iniinom na iced coffee.

"Like what?"

"I called her a...flirt." Humina ang boses ko pagkatapos sabihin ang huling salita.

It has been four days since that happened. I can't believe I said those words to her. I feel so stupid. Bakit ba hindi ko nakontrol ang sarili ko at nasabi ang mga salitang yon sa kanya?

It's not my nature to outburst words that I haven't thought of. But that night, I couldn't hold myself.

If only I could take that back, but Verra hasn't been speaking to me since that night. Kung dati ay lagi itong nagme-message at tumatawag, ngayon naman ay hindi nito sinasagot ang tawag ko.

"Oh damn. Don't tell me you believe those social media articles? Those are just rumors, and Verra never admitted any of those.  Some say that she's a flirt, a playgirl—but those are just unproven conclusions coming from people who barely know her. Saying that directly to her face isn't right." Sabi niya matapos mapasinghap. 

She furrowed her eyebrows like she couldn't believe that I said those words to a person. She didn't know that confessing this to someone made me feel even worse.

"I know. I feel so ashamed." I admitted.

I want to see her and apologize, but I feel so ashamed of what I have done. I let madness devour my system. I hurt her. I made her cry.

"Have you apologized?"

"Hindi pa..."

I want to, but I feel so ashamed to even let her see me. She probably hates me now.

"Then what are you doing here? You should be apologizing by now." Satarrah said, sounding so disappointed.

"I don't think I can face her. She's also not answering my calls."

"But isn't that what you wanted from the start? To get rid of her. Now that she's not bothering you, then you should be happy. Why are you caring now?" Napapalatak pa siya at hindi mapigilan ang mapa-iling ang ulo habang sinasabi iyon.

I knew I hated Verra at the beginning. I admit I don't want to be with her. Palagi ko pa nga itong tinatakasan at tinatakbuhan. But being with Verra made me realize that she is not the person that I once thought she was. She has been part of my life for how many days, and my mind feels unusual when I haven't seen her.

"How can I be happy when I did something bad? I hurt her, Sat. I made her cry." Muli akong nagbaba ng tingin.

Satarrah eyed me like a hawk after I said that. Tila inoobserbahan ako nito ng husto at may gustong alamin mula sa akin. It's like she's thinking so deeply and carefully formulating the next thing she's going to say.