After everything...
I opened my eyes to see the beautiful sunset in front of me. Everything is clear now. I remember everything.
I went back after hours of thinking. Magagabi na rin at alam kong nagaalala na sila mama.
Dumeretso ako sa room at naabutan kong nandoon si hannah, hawak ang phone niya na nasa tenga at pabalik balik ang lakad.
Napatingin siya sa pwesto ko ng buksan ko ang pinto,
"Eli! Oh god! Where have you been? We've been looking for you." She said habang palapit sa akin at agad akong niyakap.
I don't want her to feel bad so I let her hug me.
"I'm sorry! I really am sorry. I'm sorry for lying. Natatakot lang kami para sayo."
Napahinga ako ng malalim bago siya niyakap pabalik.
"Sorry din." Mahinang sabi ko
"Ask me! Magtanong ka sakin sasagutin ko lahat." Si hannah agad akong umiling.
"It's okay, naiintindihan ko kayo ni mama, hindi ako magtatanong." Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at dumeretso na sa kama ko.
"Alam kong may mga bagay kang gustong malaman, Eli." Lumapit si hannah sakin at naupo sa kama ko. "Hindi naman namin ipinagkakait na malaman mo iyon pero kasi..."napatingin ako sa kaniya, sandali kaming nagkatinginan bago siya bumuntong hininga at muling nagsalita" before...just a week after you wake up, madaming nag aalala sayo at bumisita sayo at first okay ka pa naman, but for some reason bigla ka na lang nagwala, you were triggered by....the mention of his name..."
Nakuha nito ang atensiyon ko kaya tuluyan kong hinarap si hannah.
"His name?" Gulo kong tanong.
"Nagwala ka at paulit ulit mong sinabing sobrang sakit ng ulo mo, nagalit si tito dahil doon at pinagbawalan ang lahat na banggitin ang pangalan niya o kahit pangalan ng pamilya namin sa harap mo. I don't know if okay na ba sabihin ang mga bagay na ito sayo... but I want you to know the truth, Eli." Mahabang sabi ni hannah nagkasalubong lang ang mga kilay ko dahil sa hindi agad na proseso ng utak ko ang mga sinabi niya.
"Ano? Hannah? Wait? What? Bakit nadamay ang pamilya niyo?" Naguguluhang tanong ko ulit.
"Jake..." sandali siyang tumigil sa pagsasalita at tinignan lang ako parang nagtatanong kung may nararamdamn akong kakaiba, agad ko namang pinakiramdaman ang sarili at umiling ng wala naman akong maramdaman na kahit anong masakit sakin.
Nang makita maayos naman ako at walang bayolenting reaksyon ay nagpatuloy ito.
"He's my cousin.... and your boyfriend... He got into an accident and he went missing----hanggang ngayon hindi pa rin siya nahahanap." Ulit niya akong inobserbahan kaya kinuha ko ang oras na iyon para iproseso ang sinabi niya.
So that was the reason bakit hindi mawala sa isip ko ang lalaking iyon. He was my boyfriend.
"Kung ganoon... hinahanap niyo pa rin siya?" Tanong ko kumakabog ang dibdib sa kaba.
I don't know why but I can feel that there's something going on. I can't explain how I am feeling right now.
"Yes..."
"And what is it? Did you find anything?" I asked worriedly.
"We couldn't find anything, I'm sorry eli."
Parang bigla akong nanlumo ng marinig ang sinabi ni hannah.
"We are trying our best to find him but we can't find any traces of him that may help us find where he is right now, but we won't give up on him. For now I'm just glad that I can still be with you after the accident atleast to protect you." Nagtataka naman akong napatingin kay hannah
So when she approached me before alam na niya kung sino ako, but why?
"So bakit noong nagkakilala tayo ulit wala akong naramdaman na kahit ano? I can only sense a familiarity towards you?" Nagtatakang tanong ko
"Maybe because maka ilang beses lang tayong nagka usap noon? I don't know." Nagkibit balikat ito. "Let's stop here, El. I dont want to trigger you again."
Kahit gusto ko pa na magpatuloy siya sa pag kekwento hindi ko na pinilit pa.
"I hope he's not eaten by a shark though." She joked, mahina akong tumawa.
So everything really has a reason. I can feel something weird inside of me. A feeling of disappointment? Sadness? Or maybe pain?
I still have many question to ask pero like what hannah said I also don't want to trigger myself.
After that talk nagbihis ako at pumunta sa kwarto nila mama. I know what I did was wrong and I trully understand their concerns for me and I have to somewhat apologize to them.
"Who is it?" I heard my mother's voice on the other side pagkatapos kong kumatok.
"Ma?"
"Eli? Is that you?" Agad nitong binuksan ang pinto.
I let out a sigh of relief after hearing her worried voice. I went to her and hugged her tight.
"I'm sorry po." Mahinang sabi ko at naramdaman ko naman ang pagyakap nito pabalik.
"I'm so sorry too, el." Binitawan ako nito at hinarap, giniya niya ako papasok ng kwarto nila papa at pinaupo sa kama.
"We're just worried about you, hija. You don't know how you look when you wake up that day on the hospital. You looked miserable and lost, nasaktan kami ng sobra ni papa noon. No one can control you that day, even us... I was so hurt when you ask us who we are..." she cried and hugged me again.
"I'm sorry po... I'm sorry ma." I cried in her shoulder, Umiling ito.
"It's not your fault, Natatakot lang kaming mawala ka ulit samin. We almost lost you once eli." She said and wipe away my tears. "We have to move on, okay? Let's move forward together, our life would not end here just because of an accident. Let's continue our life just like how we are before." She smiled and kissed my forehead.
Tumango ako sa kaniya.
"Dad? Did you hear what I said?"tumingin ito sa likod ko kaya sinundan ko ang tingin niya at nakita si papa na naka sandal sa pinto ng banyo at naka tingin sa amin.
"I know." Sabi nito at lumapit sa amin. "Let's move on and continue our lives together." At niyakap kami ni mama.
Sa huli nagkwentuhan kami at doon na ako naka tulog sa kanila.
I hope everything will be okay from now on.
I hope that soon enough I can finally say that everything is completely fine now.
_______
