"were leaving! ready na ba kayong lahat?"
busy ang lahat sa paglalagay ng mga gamit sa loob ng compartment habang natulala na lamang ako sa bintana ng sasakyan.
everyone is busy chattering and laughing while I was here slowly drowning in my own thoughts where I couldn't bring myself to get up, slowly drowning to the depths of my own darkness.
what is he talking about? nawawala lang naman si jake mahahanap din, hindi ba? maybe nagtatago lang ito? he's strong, my jake is strong I know buhay pa siya. hindi pa siya pwedeng mawala. he can't leave me here. hindi pwede.
"I search for him myself it took me 3 months to find he's whereabout, he was rescued by some resident near where the crash happened and they told me that he survived, I brought him to the hospital and he was diagnosed with traumatic brain injury causing him to lost his memories, he didn't recieved a proper medication after the accident that's why after a month he died, I saw his lifeless body with my own eyes." ang sakit marinig lalo na at ang kakambal nito mismo ang nagsabi.
hindi ko magawang maniwala sa sinabi nito, I just couldn't accept it at mas lalong ayaw kong maniwala. ang hirap lang paniwalaan. kakabalik lang ng mga alaala ko sa kaniya at ngayon malalaman kong wala na siya?
"Eli? Eli?" nabalik ako sa wisyo ng marinig ang boses ni mama "are you okay?"
"yeah? bakit po?" I smiled at her to assure her that I'm fine.
pero nagulat ako ng bigla ako nitong niyakap, parang may nagbara sa lalamunan ko na ang sakit na.
"of course you're not! what's wrong? hmm why are you crying? Eli?" she gently pat my hair and back giving me comfort. "mama's here anak you can tell me, what is it?"
just then I realized I've been shedding tears. her touch made me cry more.
"mama!" I cried harder " si jake, ma! si Jake ko wala na si Jake ko, ayoko! ayoko! ayoko ma! hindi po pwede! hindi pa pwede! hinihintay ko pa siya! nandito pako hindi niya ko pwedeng iwan, babalikan pa niya ako." I once again burst in her arms. I keep shaking my head.
ang sakit sakit na. I just want to let this out.
"my memories came back when I saw him again pero mali ako kasi hindi iyon si jake, that was Jace and he told me that Jake is..."I couldn't say the word "ang sakit ayoko maniwala, ma! hindi po pwede! hanapin po natin si jake! please! please po! please help me! I'm begging you please!" if only there's enough space baka lumuhod na ako sa harap ni mama.
I saw the others looking at us, even hannah is crying outside the van, lumapit sa pwesto namin si papa.
"anak..." huminga muna ito ng malalim bago ako tinignan, at alam kong hindi maganda ang maririnig ko mula kay papa kaya binaba ko ang tingin sa sahig. "We did look for jake after his accident at kahit na ikaw mismo ay nasa hospital hinanap ko pa rin ito, dahil alam kong kapag nagising ka ay si Jake pa rin ang hahanapin mo. I did my best to find him until I found out about your condition ng gumising ka at wala kang maalala sa nangyari, I thought that maybe it's for the best to stop the operation and to cut ties with their family. that maybe we could start a new."
tumango ako, hindi dahil sumasangayon ako sa kaniya kundi dahil naiintidihan ko ang punto niya. I know they only want what's the best for me, hindi ko naman sila sinisisi. hindi ko lang matanggap ang katotohanang wala na nga talaga si jake.
at sinong tanga ba ang maniniwalang buhay pa siya? ilang taon na simula ng mawala ito at hindi pa rin nahahanap, pero posible rin naman nagsisinungaling lang sakin si Jace at hindi totoong wala na ito.
pero bakit naman niya gagawin iyon at sa anong dahilan?
"I'm sorry for not telling the truth about jake, pero iyon ang sa tingin naming paraan para tuloyan ng mawala sa buhay natin ang mga taong iyon. dahil maging kami ay nasasaktan ng makita ka naming magwala at mawalan ng gana na parang ayaw mo nang ipagpatuloy pa ang buhay mo. " sabi ni mama at natigilan naman ako. "I know that you love jake with all of your heart and I understand that because even I loved your father with all of my heart. pero sana matuto ka ring mahalin ang sarili mo."
