Brewing the essence of love

Chapter 41

Author's POV

"No, Vardhaan its not something you said or did. It was never you, it was always me, who messed thing up. Its just that I realized what I was doing to you. I...I maybe don't deserve you. You don't deserve me. You deserve better." Koyal finally said something that had been in her heart for three years. After she married Vardhaan she had noticed what a considerate and nice man had she been hitched to. She had seen Vardhaan always put efforts, to make her happy, comfortable and to make this marriage work. She felt bad for him she also wanted to put some toil in the relation but she was unable to and this fact was making her feel unworthy of him.

When Vardhaan heard his wife's word his world came shattering down. He was unable to speak anything. For him it felt as if someone had thrown a million of arrows on his heart. He always wanted to make his wife feel happy, and comfortable but he was unable to. Koyal's words just now proved that she was not happy with him. Vardhaan always belived that phrases like "It was not you, it's me" or "You deserve better" were nice and subtle ways of telling your partner that they were not good enough and now it's better to part ways.

"The day I married her I knew I never want to let go of her. But what's the use of keeping her with me, if she is not happy. It pains my heart a lot to let her go but for her happiness I will." He thought, so even though he wanted to say her, "Better or worst I don't care. We are married and now you are stuck with me for life, at least this one. So I don't care who deserves whom, you are my wife, so better learn to be happy with this." He said ""You are right. Maybe we are not the one for each other. Maybe I do deserve better and so do you."

When he said this, it sounded cold and void of emotions, however only he knew how much was he controlling himself. He wanted to cry, after a long span of time he wanted to cry, and throw a tantrum and keep his wife with him but he had to let her go, after all years ago he had promised someone he would always keep his wife happy, always respect her, appreciate her efforts, and for her happiness he would to anything even if it meant letting her go. So he did it, even though his heart pained, he kept his promise.

"So tell me what you want to do next, and inform me." Vardhaan said to Koyal who was still trying to process his words. After saying that Vardhaan was about to get up and go, as he was unable to sit there anymore. He stood up and was about to go when Koyal caught his hand, he gave her a questioning look. She just stood up and said, "I am really sorry Vardhaan, I am so sorry. I am sorry or everything." 

Vardhaan looked at her, pain was clear on his face "Why are you sorry? In fact I am sorry. I was not abled the one you wanted as your life partner, the one with whom you could talk your heart, be the real you."

" No Vardhaan it's not like that you are the best life partner I could have. The best I will ever have." Koyal voiced her thoughts. 

"And still you want to leave me?" He asked.

 "I don't want to selfish Vardhaan, after we part our ways, maybe I will be all alone, but for that I can't take away your chance to find partner who will actually love, care for you. Vardhaan right now you might feel we will pull this off but eventually you will want such partner which I may never be. I am not worthy of you." Koyal finally conveyed her ages old thoughts. 

"Who on earth said you all these? Did I ever make you feel these?" He questioned her to which she responded by shaking her head in a no. "Then? Ok Koyal last question for the day, do you want to leave me? Answer me truthfully, think selfishly, think about your feelings, and then answer me." He said her. Silently hoping and praying that she would say no. "Yes I do. For I know Vardhaan I am not the best for you. By staying with you I will hurt you. Its for your best that we part our ways Vardhaan." Koyal whispered.