Brewing the essence of love

Chapter 57

Koyal's POV

"Zindagi ki rah mein kei aapno ne saath chhod diya, kei aaono ka saath meine chhod diya magar unakee yaadon ne har pal sataaya hai."

"Dr. Arora English please" Dr. Sophia my counsellor said. "Yeah, I just carried away in my thoughts." I replied her. "So what were you saying, mind repeating it in English." She said.

"Oh, nothing serious I just said that in this journey of my life many loved ones left me and I left many of them but their memories haunt me every single day." I said. "Oo, deep words, so Dr. Arora, it's our second session so now time to touch some sensitive spots, are you ready?" She asked and I nodded my head in approval.

"Let's start with your brother and husband. Have you talked to them?" She asked me. "No, the last was a week ago when I told them I was visiting a psychologist." I stated. "Hmm... do you usually not talk to them much?" She questioned me.

"With my brother not really, I used to talk to him pretty much every day and with Vardhaan in the past I haven't talked to him in months." I said, remembering the time before Avi's marriage, when talking to him was a big task.

"Why is that? Do you not like your husband?"

"It was not like that but he and I had a typical arrange marriage like in the seventies. We did not know each other before our marriage. And after our marriage within a week I left for US so I did not really have the time to bond to him." I explained.

"Okay. What about now? Why did you not talk to him?" I explained her the whole story and I felt embarrassed again that I was angry on him for such a petty reason. I mean my disappointment had no base. It was a meaningless one. Ahh!

Sophia smiled and said "So why did you stop talking to him now?"

"Because he is one of those few people who has trusted me, shown patience, and tolerant to my irrational behavior. I..I am ashamed of the fact that I have always found ways to prove that he is not into me when there is nothing like that. I think I have given him enough pain, so" I was saying when she cut me and inquired, "Are you planning to leave him, divorce perhaps." "Absolutely NO" I shouted.

"I will talk to him, when I feel my emotions are sorted. Divorce is out of question Sophia." She smiled and said. "Then talk to him, if not about big life issues then at least some small talk. You know you not talking to him is making that small matter a lot serious. Tell him how you feel. Give him some hopes that this whatever you have between you is still there." And that's when I realized what I was doing.

I will talk to him once I reach home. "So do you know why did you react that day like the way you did?" "I know." I said softly. "Why?"

"Because I thought his work is not that difficult." I said. "Really! Be honest, if not with me than with yourself." She said. I am telling the truth. "Partial truth, but moving on, how did you realize that all of that was stupid?" "When I just narrated the whole story to Dr. Julia I realized what a silly thing it is." "So when you vocalized the whole thing you realized that it was a silly matter." "Yes.." And I understood her purpose of her question. She smiled and leaned on her chair and said back to the previous question.

I took the bottle of water, drank some cool water then said, "Because I had, I have started to put on the whole lot of unrealistic expectations on him. The same way once my family had with me. Basically I was passing on the truma. And not to worsen the situation anymore I stopped talking to him as a disaster control."

"So is this the reason why you choose this therepy now? Cause you are a doctor yourself. You have studied psychiatry I don't think till these years were you unaware. Were you?"

"I wasn't unaware but I was in denial. You know at times when it's about you or your loved ones, even when we know the truth we deny it. Same was with me. I knew I needed help, but I was in denial for years. However when I realized that this was affecting Vardhaan in such a negative way I knew I had to do something, hence I am sitting here." I explained her.

"Do you love him?" Sophia asked. "I used to think I do but not anymore." "Why"

"I don't think that feeling was love. It was the starting of me starting to put unrealistic expectations on him on the name love." I answered. Yes that day after disconnecting my call with him I realized that I was never in love because love is not like this. I have never been in love before but I knew that this is anything but love.

"Koyal, I know we have been accustomed to the idea that love is giving gifts, writing love letters, planning romantic dates, traveling together, pursuing common interests. But love is not just that much. Love is also changing yourself. The fact that you want to change yourself for good is perhaps a sign you love him. Love is accepting each other's differences, supporting each other's goals and aspirations, and being there for one another during both happy and challenging times. Love is to become the best versions of ourselves. I won't say if you Love him or not because that's your decision to make but I wanted to tell you some other meanings of love as well." 

I was now lost in my own thoughts. I thanked Dr. Sophia and left.

Hey Readers

A question for you all, "What is love?"

Do you guys think Koyal loves Vardhaan?

Please comment your thoughts and vote if you liked the chapter

See you in the next one 

Bye