Our Secret (Jolinsky)(BoyxBoy)

Ch.36

I decided that I will be ending this book at 45. There will be an epilogue as well. I can make a sequel if you want. BUT I NEED COMMENTS. If I don't get comments telling me that you like the book and want a sequel that I will end it and that will be it.

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Jg pov

"Uhm...Hi." He says quietly.

"Babe.. you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. I just want you to know Jeff knows he read the letter you wrote him and I read the one you wrote me."

I can't believe my poor baby never said/acted in such a way that could come across as depressed.

"No no hun I should tell you anything you want to know..."

"Uhm.. Okay... When and why did you start cutting?"

"7th grade. I was bullied really badly and everyone was always against me with everything. I felt like it was my only escape other than music."

"Oh.. How many times have you tried committing suicide and why?"

"Other than this time I tried 3 other times. Each time I tried something different. First time I tried it was 7th grade. I tried cutting my Ulnar and radical arteries at the same time. I thought that I would just automatically die. My mom found me and rushed me to the hospital. The second time it was 8th grade. I was just done with being bullied and I was with Kenny at the time. If I didn't do something right he would give me rope and tell me to die. So that's what I did... I always tried to please him..He found me and pulled me off the chair and told me he didn't want to waste his time at some stupid funeral. Lastly time I tried was in the summer before 9th grade. I tried jumping off a bridge. Shawn was on a run and found me there. We were in a massive fight because he couldn't believe I was still with Kenny after everything he did to me. And lastly this time. I couldn't take it anymore. The demons in my head were telling me to do it. They kept saying you thought didn't actually care for me and that this was some stupid joke to you and your friends... I just couldn't do it anymore... THE STUPID DEMONS ALWAYS WIN."

He shouts the last part and starts crying. I rush over to him and hug him tightly.

"Baby, I love everything about you. You are my sunshine when it rains, you are the band-aid for my pain. I love you to the moon and back. You stole my heart and you can keep it. It will always be yours. I can't think of a world without you in it. If you actually committed and I hadn't found you I probably would have ended up killing myself. I love you so so so so so much babe. Now with the cutting..."

"I know I know I need to stop it.. I just can't stop it all together..."

"Baby, no. I was going to say I know you can't just stop it. But I'm going to help you stop it slowly. Honey I don't want to lose you ever. I can help you if you just let me in and tell me what I need to know."

He looks up to me and kisses my lips.

"I'm scared of love..."

What?! How can you be scared of love?!

"Huh?"

"I'm philophobic. I'm scared to even say the word. Everyone leaves me when I say it to them. My dad started abusing me physically, emotionally, sexually... Kenny started abusing me when I said I love you to him the first time... Shawn stopped talking to me and we said I love you to each other all the time... The word is cursed for me or something.... That's why I've never said it too you... I want to I'm just scared that you'll le-"

"Leave like everyone else... I won't my love. I won't ever hurt you. I will never lay a finger on you.. to hurt you that is. I love you too much to lose you."

I kiss him again (I just wrote kill instead of kiss aha.) and allow the kiss to linger on our lips..

"I know baby... I'll say it one day.. I just need time to heal from it.."

"I know my love. I will never pressure you to do anything you don't want too."

-a week later-

Jack is out of the hospital now. He and Jeff are having a brothers day and I'm having a best friend day with Sammy and Nate.

We have been talking about everything. Right now we're talking about jobs.

"What' s your dream job?" Sammy says while feeding Nate a Strawberry.

"Rapper. I just need a name because I mean Nate the rapper isn't exactly cool."

"Singer. While Jack was in the hospital I brought my guitar and we like jammed out. He's the cutest rapper ever but he's got mad bars guys. I'm telling you. "

"Mine is rapper too. Maybe you and Jack should start a duo. Jack and Jack sounds pretty fucking cool."

Nate flinches slightly when Sammy swears. He's so sweet and innocent I love it. This is why he's one of m best friends.

" Yeah maybe I'll talk to him tonight. We would like rule the world aha. Nate maybe you be like N-diddy. aha"

"Ew that sounds so dumb." Nate says hitting me lightly.

"What about Skate. It sounds cool and you like skating.." Sammy says while being zoned out on a skateboard.

"You know that doesn't sound half bad actually. It's official I am not Skate Maloley. "

I smile at the two and get a phone call from Kenny.

"You whaddup dude?"

I still don't really like that Kenny and Jack are friends because I mean Kenny brings back bad memories for him but he's trying and that's all that matters.

"Nothing. Shawn and I are bored.. What are you up too?

"Sammy, Nate and I are chilling wanna chill?"

"Okayyy. See you soon bro."

"BAIIII JACK!"

I hear Shawn yell in the back. I smile and tell the boys that they are coming over.

This is nice and relaxing. It's so lovely. It would be better if my baby was here though.

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I dyed my hair. I just wanted to lighten it aha. Idk how it looks yet. I'm really happy with this chapter though.

I have two other books ;

Half-blood

BoyxBoy One shots

I'm updating them both soon.

G'day loves

<3