Chapter 30- Confusions

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Manik's POV:

''Everyone loves her'' Aryaman said. ''I'm asking as such if you love her, you know what I mean right'' I asked him hesitant. I hope Aryaman doesn't love her. Please say no, I prayed in my mind. ''She is like my sister, with Nandini, you always feel home. Mukti tumhare behen hai, you will always be there to protect her but with Nandini, she will always be there to protect, to heal. She, is a fighter'' Aryaman was right. Nandini will always be the light to everyone. Aryaman calling Nandini as his sister is still surprising to me, he always felt he was privileged as he is a single child. He never wanted siblings, but it is great to hear from him. ''A lot has been happening in our lives that I didn't even realize it even after being so close to you'' I said regretting my actions towards Aryaman. 

''Manik, you're one of the luckiest persons. After Tara, I realized how important love is! I always taunted you and Siya but lately I realized you and her, you are two different people but your hearts are bound together forever, do jism ek jaan types. Her care, love and feelings towards you are so pure. And you, never leave a chance of complaint. I wish ki tum dono ko duniya bhar ki khushi miley'' he said. I don't know how to tell him now that it is not how it is! I love Siya, I wanted to protect her from all the evil in the world. I would always want to stay by her side. But somewhere iske liye shaadi karna zaruri hai kya, if Siya was a boy, would someone ask me to marry him? No. But why is it like I have to marry her just to protect her and be with her. For me, marriage is a most sacred thing, I expect love, trust, understanding and lots of happiness from my life partner. My spouse should be my happy place where I can share my everything.

I want to share my every success with her and I want her to be on my side in my low phase. I want to shout at her when I'm mad, she will bother me with her complaints. I want to fight with her like every other couple does, but when we resolve it, nothing in the world should matter to us. With Siya, ye sab tho possible hi nahi hai. Fights chodo main to usse rothe hue nahi dekh sakta. How would I explain anyone that I don't want to marry Siya? If I said will they let me be with her? What about Siya? How will she react if I said I don't love her but I want to stay by her side. If everyone wants me to get married to Siya, I will marry her but hum kabhi khush nahi reh payenge. Zindagi bhar aise hi acting karna padega. Like Shakespeare said, Life is a stage and we are all actors.

We reached our hotel and checked in to our rooms. It had been a roller coaster of emotions for me after reading Nandini's letter. I heard someone knocking on my door. It was Cabir. ''Manik, did Nandini gave you the script?'' he asked. I was skeptical on what to say to him now. ''Yes'' I replied and called him in. ''She said you read it already, kaisa laga?'' he asked me with a big question mark on his face. Why is Cabir asking me? I thought. I didn't answer or rather I don't know what to answer. ''Manik, we've been waiting for your answer?'' Cabir said and I'm shocked now. ''been waiting for my answer! So you already know about it?'' how can Nandini share it with Cabir. Not Cabir, but how can she share this with anyone else? ''Yes, we know about it'' Cabir said. ''We matlab aur kaun jaanta hai'' I was eager to know, itna bhi zyada friendship nahi karna tha Nandini ko. I mean I understand everyone is a friend to her but aisa personal matters tho hum sabke saath share nahi karte. 

She was always hesitant with me when I asked about Sid, but she said to Cabir and in her absence, Cabir is asking me about her letter. ''We matlab, me, Navya and Nandini'' he said. Thank God Nandini didn't disclose to the whole unit. ''What happened Manik! You are silent! Should I take it as a yes!?'' he asked me. ''Huh, mujhe thoda time chahiye'' I said and Cabir left from there having no hope. I closed my eyes and I felt disturbed. Nandini, tum bahut achi ho, but I'm not sure about my feelings for you. Do I have feelings for you? Yes, definitely. But I couldn't figure out what you mean to me. I went to take a hot shower as I need it right now. Ah, Cabir didn't take this copy from me, should I return it back to him? I held the letter in my hand to read it again.

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