The Chronicles of Alpha Academy (bxb)

28: Future Fears

Chapter 28: Future Fears

James

Why do I feel like my life these last two months are on repeat?

Because here I am walking into the cafeteria, Mina at my side, wondering what I'll find when we get inside. But not really, because no matter what drama is on the main stage of life today, Kieran will sit with his friends, despite having Activated and Chosen 27 alphas as his potential mate. I'll sit with Mina. We'll stare at each other, maybe fight a little. He'll be sweet to everyone else, give me dirty looks, I'll do something dumb like badmouth people he cares about. And the endless circle that is this freaking school will be fed another day.

I don't want that to happen.

I'm so fucking over it.

I refuse.

So...we walk into breakfast, before Convocation. Instead of slinking to our own table, I break off from my best friend, who nods in understanding. I stop in front of Kieran who's sitting next to Will and treating him like he's the Goddess' own partner incarnate.

By that I mean he's smiling at him.

"Kieran."

Those huge brown eyes turn to me and he frowns. A little crease forms between his eyebrows.

"Can I talk to you, in private?"

I swallow everything that wants to come bursting out of my mouth (yikes! sorry), when Will nods yes to Kieran's hesitant look in his former roommate's direction. Instead, I wait for him, and then head to the stairs where we talked just the other day, where he told me what a dick I'd been.

He stood leaning against the wooden banister. Opening his mouth, his face anything but serene.

But I interrupted him by leaning against him, putting my cheek on the top of his head. He took my weight, not easy since I'm so big and he's so small.

I needed to feel him. I needed to smell him.

Not because I was going crazy with jealousy. Not because I was a horny alpha ready to rut with my mate.

I just... I needed to know he was real. Like what we had was real. Like I hadn't dreamed it somehow.

"James...."

He sounded confused, but also....he put his arms around my waist, holding me even closer.

It was enough. It was the best. It felt like I could finally breathe.

I was so tired. I barely got any sleep. And the sleep I did get was miserable. How come things had changed between us, how had I changed so much? I needed him.

"James..." he repeated and my answer was to nod against his hair. No words.

I wanted to say, why didn't you choose me last night to spend the night with first? I wanted to ask what Will had that I didn't. I wanted Kieran to say it was some horrible mistake and yes, he knew we were mates, but was only doing what the Goddess made him do.

He didn't.

He didn't say that.

Because I was too afraid to ask.

Because I did, deep down, know the answer.

Will was a good guy.

Maybe I wasn't as good as I always thought.

Maybe Kieran would be better off without me.

Maybe I should admit defeat and..

Then he pushed me back until I fell, sitting hard on the stairs. Like me, he didn't speak, but he sat on my lap, facing me, his legs on either side of my hips.