YOU'RE LOSING ME ; MILEVEN AU

020.

"how have you been sleeping lately?" bessy smiled sweetly as el gave a weak shrug, playing with the ends of her sleeves. "fine,"

"that's all?" bessy asked and el just gave another shrug.

bessy let out a small breath. "what about... your mood? any low—"

"since when do you care? you didn't let me come when i was feeling shit," she snapped but bessy's smile didn't falter.

"tell me what happened then,"

"does it even matter now?"

"yes, it does. tell me, i'm all ears, el,"

her eyes closed before she whispered. "novah has been asking for a sibling,"

"oh, that's nice. girl or boy?"

el's gaze narrowed at her. "you're missing the point, bessy,"

"a sibling is a great thing, el."

"i... not for me. i— i cant stop thinking about it," her voice weakened into a small whisper.

bessy wrote down a few notes before asking. "and what did mike say?"

"he thinks it'll save our marriage. but how? it's what led us to this point!"

"but he doesn't know that, el,"

she fell silent, biting down on her lip. "and when he does find out? he'd hate me forever. what if he takes novah away from me? what if—"

"do you hear all the what if's? you'd never know, el,"

"we had another fight. it started from this, this time,"

el played with her hair and mumbled. "i slept on the couch but he never moved me upstairs. i don't know why, but i was disappointed. i feel crazy," she looked up. "i need more meds, bessy. i need to sleep, i don't care if there's a nightmare. i'm just so tired. i'll have those nightmares regardless if i sleep!"

"you know i can't do that,"

"WHY NOT!?"

bessy remained calm as she replied. "you know why, el,"

"i'm not an addict! i'm past that, i just need the fucking sleeping pills!"

"i've already provided some, regardless of your record. i will not be prescribing you anymore."

"if you're not going to prescribe me any, i'll get them myself," she went to stand with a glare, tears brimming.

before el's hand clasped onto the handle of the door, bessy spoke up. "i remember when you first came to me, el. you told me that you not only wanted to get better for yourself but for your daughter. do you remember that?"

"you cant bring novah into this,"

"why not? that's what you told me, no?"

"yes, but—"

"but what?"

el turned to face her with a broken expression. "i've been getting worse. just— one prescription? so i can sleep."

"i won't be the reason you fall back into an addiction,"

"IM NOT AN ADDICT!" she bursted out angrily and raised a hand to her hair frustratingly. "i'm not... i'm not."

"you told me you're here to get better for your daughter. think about her, el. are you willing to risk your life like this? are you willing to leave her?"

"i'd never," she wasted no time to deny and bessy gave a nod. "there's your answer."

el waited a few seconds, the silence stretching for so long it almost felt awkward. "once an addict, always an addict?"