YOU'RE LOSING ME ; MILEVEN AU

03.

the gun pressed to her temple. her eyes closed, thinking this was it.

this was it.

deeper, rougher, it pressed down. everything moved in slow motion.

all she could think about was her daughter.

her family.

she was going to die and she knew it.

items being snatched from her hands, she began to shake, her body quivering as she cried.

she begged. she pleaded. she did everything he said.

she tried to put up a fight but the gun clicked and she stilled.

she couldn't register the moment it ended.

she couldn't register it then.

she just broke down whilst laying on the floor.

jolting awake, her entire body was coated with sweat, her body wouldn't stop shaking as she shivered from the cold.

a small sob left her lips and she covered her mouth when she noticed mike on the bed, dead asleep next to her.

she stood with her legs shaking, stumbling as she hit the corner of the nightstand as she rushed to the bathroom, closing the door behind her before she fell to the floor crying.

hands tangled into her head, she pulled her knees up to her chest as she rocked back and forth.

guilt. grief.

it all came tumbling all in one as she became lightheaded from all the sudden memories and emotions.

"i'm sorry," she began to whisper, a hand subconsciously going to rub her stomach. "i'm so sorry, i'm so sorry," she chanted over and over again as her legs thrashed trying to make herself breathe.

she was shivering even with a long sleeve and sweatpants on. she was starving but she couldn't bring enough to eat.

she was so damn tired but she just couldn't sleep.

the bottom of her wrist rubbed across her forehead, trying her best to calm down and to snap out of this episode.

but the more she tried not to think about it, the more she did.

and she felt the gun to her head again.

her body froze up, seeing as her surroundings changed and she was back there.

she was there. she was stilled. she froze completely, not knowing what to do.

she was so tired to the point she could sleep forever.

sometimes she'd look up and wonder if the ceiling could hold her weight.

but she would force herself to snap out of it and to remember that she had to take care of her daughter.

that was the only thing making her push through this.

she remembered how her therapist asked her, "anymore suicidal thoughts?"

yet she wasn't as ashamed as she once was when she answered, "yes,"

concerned was written all over her face and more medication was prescribed due to el's case.

she couldn't pinpoint why she always felt so out of place. this was her home, she was anything but that.

but she couldn't help but feel like she didn't belong.