Worlds Collide: Multiverse of Y/N

Chapter 14 • Alone (FFAF)

❥Warning:
Includes strong language, attempted suicide and eating disorder.

-Y/N's POV (Falling For A Fan)-
You guessed it. I was uncontrollably sobbing over my regrettable life decisions once again.

I had no friends, no boyfriend, no husband, no son, no parents, all I had was myself now.

It wasn't enough.

But I knew that I needed to make it enough if I ever wanted to be happy again, or at least okay.

The next morning wasn't any better. I drank my coffee, binge watched comforting TV shows, and tried forgetting about Clay and my old life. To be honest, all I wanted to do was stay in bed all day.

Either that, or leave this Earth.

But, I promised Clay that I wouldn't try ending my life again, no matter how much I wanted to go. I broke my promise to my original Clay, I wasn't planning on breaking it for the new one.

At least, I hoped so.

Everyday was the same. I got out of bed, made my coffee, binge watched those same comfort shows, and wore the same clothes I've been wearing for a while. Especially since I haven't remembered the last time I showered.

I had no energy nor motivation to take care of myself, because I knew I didn't deserve to. I didn't deserve to look or feel beautiful. I didn't want to look beautiful and have other guys flirt with me when all I wanted was the one I couldn't have.

Every single time I came home, I was welcomed with a kiss, love, and peace. Now when I came home, the only thing that I was welcomed with, was suffering.

After a week passed of the same routine every single day, I opened my cabinets to see that there wasn't much food in my apartment.

But I didn't bother to do anything about it.

To have to get ready, look presentable, drive all the way to the store, walk through so many aisles, scan every item, drive back home, put all of the groceries away. It didn't ever feel like a lot to do, but now it was.

I was grieving over losing my husband, my son, my best friends, my old life and my old self. I missed how happy I used to be. So, I didn't have enough energy to shop for groceries when I barely felt like eating anyways.

It came to a point where there wasn't a single piece of food in my house. But I didn't care. I didn't care for my stomach hurting, I didn't care for the dizziness feeling, or the nauseous feeling.

I didn't care about myself nor my life anymore.

Deep down, I wished that Clay would've cheated on me instead of me choosing a stupid stone over him. I was so selfish and so blind to realize that the only person I ever needed was Clay, not my parents.

It was foolish of me to choose my absent, abusive parents over my true love. The one who was there for me always, no matter what, and the one who treated me with more kindness than anyone ever has before.

Day by day, I was killing myself slowly by not eating. After a while, I got used to it. And every time I weighed myself on my scale, I was losing more and more weight.

But I didn't care.

I didn't care about a lot of things now that I lost Clay twice.

My brain kept telling me more negative things as the days went on. And when I looked myself in the mirror everyday, I could see my exhaustion, my suffering. My dull eyes, my pale, skinnier face and body.