The Heart's Journey (GXG)

Memories (flashback l)

As the day went by, the rehearsals became tough and the heavy feelings I've been keeping became even more heavy.

"Tired?" I turned around to look to the person who asked me that, it was Miss Indonesia.

I just smiled at her before looking at the delegates rehearsing, they're so good at it. They're walking like a professional model and i kinda felt insecure because of how they acted professional.

I was caught off guard when Michelle's presence caught my attention, she was walking confidently and smiling sweetly. I've never seen that smile for years, i wish i could stare at her smile forever.

"Only you could do is admire her." I look at fab who was looking at michelle too.

She was right, all i can do is admire her.

I can't bring the past to the present.

I stood up to go my room, the rehearsal will be finished just a few minutes by now so it's okay for the delegates to leave the rehearsal studio. I bid my goodbye to fab and she just smiled.

As i walk out of the rehearsal studio, i can feel my eyes getting teary. I don't know why am I being like this whenever I can feel mich's presence, i know I shouldn't have felt this before, after all we're over.

My vision went blurry and all i can think while my vision is blurry was her smile i saw earlier, she used to show me that smile before after that incident happened.

(FLASHBACK)

"Mich, how are you?" I asked this girl laying in a hospital bed, a girl that seems to not recognize me.

She scanned me from my hair down to my jaw, i saw confused in her eyes. I was hoping she will remember me but...

"Do i know you?"

I looked at the doctor beside me trying to communicate with her eyes, she mouthed we need to talk. Why can't she remember me? The girl she promised she will propose and marry, the girl she loved the most?

After that conversation with mich's doctor I decided to go to the prayer room here in the hospital, as soon as I entered the room I can feel myself bursting into tears while praying to God.

I kneel down and formed my hands into a prayer sign. As I close my eyes and my hands being placed on my chest I can feel tears falling down to my lips.

Dear Lord,

As i come before you today, my heart is heavy filled with sadness and longing. I lift up my beloved Mich to you, who has lost her memory including the love we once shared and our third anniversary, a day that holds so much meaning and joy for me, but it feels bittersweet because our third anniversary was also the day she lost all of her memories.

Lord, you know how much i love and adore mich, you know how many times our bonds we once had. We stood before you, the day she said she'll propose and marry me you know how much happy i am to be hers, to exchange vows of love and commitment. Promising to cherish and support each other no matter what happens, even in sickness and health. But now, the memories we once shared to each other seems to be gone in just one snap.

Lord, i am begging for your guidance in helping mich gain back her memory, but i also surrender to your will. If it is your plan for us to seperate ways and find our selves, grant me the strength to accept it and continue to love her selflessly even if we're not together anymore.

Without any expectation.

May your grace surround mich, filling her heart with love, peace, hope and not pain. May she find solace and comfort in your presence, or even on other people even if it hurts me a lot, even in the midst of her confusion. And may our love, which was once so strong with pure love, fine a way to bloom anew, transcending the limitations of her lost memories.

May our bonds, love, comfort and solace stay in her heart even if she can't remember it nor anything.

Amen.

I can't help but cry in front of the Lord while praying, it's hard to accept that the person whom I loved so much can't remember any single bit of me being part of her heart journey. I tried wiping the tears that came down to my cheeks down to my jaw but it just won't stop.

My heart screams her name every munites that past by, all I could think right now is how am I going to survive without her presence everyday I woke up.

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