The Heart's Journey (GXG)

"I hate you, Anntonia."

"Michelle please, listen to me?" She already know.

"Why did you just tell me this today?!" Anger and frustration is evident on her voice.

Dee heard me talking to my manager about this thing, about the clearing things to Michelle. Michelle and I immediately left the restaurant when she heard what I said to my manager michelle needs to know she had a memory loss and I'm her ex girlfriend before she lost her memories.

"Answer me Anntonia Porsild!" I couldn't let out a word since the moment she shouted out of anger.

"M-michelle-"

"For fuck sake Anntonia answer me, why did you just tell me this today?! We've been friends for so long and yet you decided to tell this to me while we're preparing for the coronation day because it's very malapit na!" She didn't care if someone who will pass by on papao and I room.

"I was scared Michelle, I can't bare to see you hating on me before when I was still not ready and when we're still with our friends. I wasn't ready before because I know you would be like this but now I'm ready, I'm ready to face every hurtful words I will receive from you, I'm ready for you to hate me. But the only thing I know is I will love and treasure you even before I wasn't still ready.." My eyes is getting wet because of the tears I was holding back since we were still on the restaurant.

"If you love me you won't lie and hide everything to me! Is that how you show your love to me? Hiding something that might bring back my memory? You're clearly not showing your love to me by doing that shit, Anntonia! Do you know what I feel right now? I feel disgusted at mad at myself because of this, I feel like you don't actually love me and just hide that fucking shit for my good and safety you assume! The safety you're saying just ruined everything ann, including our relationship!" She is now sobbing.

I can't help but to burst into tears when I saw how her eyes that is full of anger changes into lonely and longing for her memory, I can't bare to see her sobbing because of me.. She don't deserve this, she don't deserve me.

Maybe she's right, I ruined everything including our relationship for her safety but I was just doing what is needed to be done so I could keep her. Why did I have to ruin her?

"Love please... J-just listen to me please.." My voice cracked.

"I don't need to listen to you anntonia, I already have the answer I needed. You did this because I made you feel I needed someone, I made you feel I was useless. I had my answer, I know you don't really love me, you were just napili-"

I didn't let her finish and just immediately hugged her making her stop and sobs more, she tried pushing me away but I tighten the hug so we won't be apart. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry I made you feel like that..."

"As much as I try to push you and be angry at you I can't, you're making it hard for me Ann... I can't be angry at you because I love you, I love you so much..."

"I'm sorry love..." I rested my chin on her shoulder as I cry harder.

"I hate you, Anntonia." That's the only sentence she said before pushing me and walking towards the door, she's in front of the door and she opens it. As she leaves I felt my knees getting weaker and weaker.

The moment she left I fell on my knees, I cried so loudly. The moment she left my room and papao's room, her absence was too obvious. The pain was squeezing my heart as if it's trying to suffocate me and trying to trigger my asthma.

I don't even fucking know why it feels so heavy, but at the same time it feels right, it's making me realize it's just the right thing to do. I wanted the best for her so this is the best thing I could do to show I want the best for her, very best. Even if the possibility I will not just lose her, I will also lose a piece of my heart is sinking to my head I chose not to let it consumed my overthinking head, I don't want to fear that possibility even though it might really happen.

The only thing I could do for the best is to pray for her all the time. She'll be with my Heart's Journey, THE HEART'S JOURNEY of the both of us.

She said she hates me, not as a joke so it's first time.

As my eyes get blurry I cried even more loudly, I didn't notice the door was unlocked by someone I assumed papao. I didn't care who it is I just want to let this pain go, the person I assumed is papao hugged me. "Shh, it'll be fine..."

"Papao... You h-heard everything?" I asked as I hugged papao.

"Not everything but the only thing I heard is the last sentence she said before she left our room, after that your loud cry. Fab will talk to her, okay? Now, let it all out, I'll be here by your side until to feel okay and ready for tomorrow.." She caressed my back that made me cry even more.

" ฉันรักเธอแต่เธอผลักไสฉันออกไป แต่มันเป็นสิ่งที่ถูกต้อง..."

(I love her but she pushed me away, but I think it's the right thing to do...)

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Sorry for the grammatical errors and more, I'm tired na kasi and I still need to finish something that's why. Sorry for this chapter and dun sa mga naunang chapters hehe love you guys.