The Protectors: Book 1: Reunion

Chapter 9: A Walking Hypocrisy

"You are going to light this lantern without burning down my ship," he continued, handing the rusty lantern to Joseph.

"But, I don't know how to..." Joseph said, softly.

"Well, you're gonna learn," Caius demanded.

"You like doing things by yourself? Fine then, you're gonna learn, or none of us are eating tonight."

"But..." Joseph said, shocked at the new Caius. His demeanor, the way he spoke, everything about him changed from a moment ago.

"But Cap," Warah protested.

"Not another word."

"Remember, control and strength," he said looking at Joseph, sitting down with his arms folded as the rest of the crewmen looked at each other in worry.

Joseph looked at the lamp, his insides trembling as the thought of controlling the very thing that terrified him would be the only thing to redeem him at this moment. The wick was burned and blackened and the metal surrounding the container was rusted and old. How am I going to do this? What if I fail? What if...

Questions torpedoed through his mind as self-doubt gradually crept its way into his skull. His brain was infected with the overpowering, crippling sensation that failure was the only thing he was good at. Fire would always be his downfall, fire took away his life, and fire will always be the end of it all.

"Warah, get more dowsing liquid and stand by," Caius said, crossing his legs as he sat there staring at Joseph, stunted, frozen in place as he stared at the lantern.

"I'm not moving until you do it."

Half an hour bled into an hour, turning into two and then three hours as Joseph stood there motionless staring at the lantern. The other crew members had gone below deck trying to ward off their hunger, as Caius still sat there, his concentration and seriousness unwavering as he watched Joseph. Kuzo observed from the stairs leading to the cabin as Joseph still had yet to make a move.

"It's not going to light itself you know," Caius said, breaking the silence.

"The sun is three positions past midday. Are you going to move or are you going to stand there all night too?" He asked.

"If I don't try, I can't fail," Joseph said, looking up at Caius, breaking his frozen stance.

"If you don't try you'll never know and by default, you've already failed," he replied.

"I can't," he said, his eyes tearing.

"Every time I think about it purposely I feel like it'll explode in my face," Joseph said.

"You're afraid," Caius started to say, getting up.

"Terrified."

"You think fire is a ravenous force consuming everything in its path, don't you?" He continued.

"Is it not?" Joseph asked

"Fire is life, fire is emotion, fire is self-sustaining," Caius said. "It's an extension of yourself."

"You make it sound easy," Joseph replied, still staring at the lantern.

"And despite not knowing how to control it, you think you can do everything by yourself?"

"I never said that," Joseph whined.

"You don't need to, I see how you move, you think you don't need anyone else, or that everyone else is better off without you," Caius said, pacing slowly behind him.

"You're a walking hypocrisy."

"Now look at you, given the opportunity you're crippled by the fear of doing it by yourself."

"Why are you doing this?!" Joseph yelped.

"Because you I know you can do it," Caius replied. "You have strength, I sensed it the moment you boarded our ship."

"You have the strength to stand up on your feet after facing near death, to forge a new life, and now you're scared of a little fire?"

"It's not little," Joseph complained. "You saw what I did to your ship!"

"You have power, but you hold yourself back from controlling it, that is your problem."

"You don't allow yourself to take control."

"I can't."

"How will you know if you don't even try?!" Caius yelled. "I thought you were strong, strong enough to do this on your own," he continued. " But I guess you're just weak, too weak to take control of your own life.

"I'm not!!" Joseph snapped.

"Then DO IT!" Caius yelled. "Control what fears you."

Joseph looked down at the lamp again, absorbing Caius' harsh words, and he was right. Controlling it meant owning up to the condemnation he was subjected to. The loneliness. The longing for something more. He never had control over his life. So how could he control this? How could he do something that required taking his life into his own hands?

Suddenly it struck him, hard, like the stinging whip on his back. He wasn't on the island anymore. No one held him back, no one expecting him to fail.

He looked down at the lamp with a newfound spark in his eyes. Slowly he pulled in some air with his nostrils, letting it out through his mouth as he positioned his fingers near the wick of the lantern. Constantly breathing in and out he felt the familiar sensation of heat building up in his chest, extending out towards his arms slowly running to his palms. As he readied his fingers to snap, time seemed to stand still, everything stopped all at once waiting for this very moment. As his fingers slowly slid past each other a small flicker appeared. He did it. Fire engulfed the wick illuminating the lantern casting an elegant reddish light over him.

"I did it," Joseph said, in disbelief.

The flame danced in the evening breeze as it quickly spread, burning brighter and faster as it spread down, kissing the metal that surrounded the lantern's framework.

"Hey Cap, can we eat yet, we're starving," Warah said, rubbing his belly as he and the others slowly walked up the stairs.

"I can't believe I did it," Joseph said, ecstatically looking up at Caius who took a step back. "Guys look I did it!" He shouted as they joined him on the deck.

As the flame heated the metal the glass surrounding it began to crack. In an instant the flames erupted out violently shattering the glass as the shards shot outwards onto the deck, the metal plating fell with a hard clank as it rolled along the floor, landing in front of them.

Joseph stood in shock, his mouth open, staring as the shattered glass sprinkled across the floor, the straps of metal sitting among a clump of smoke and failure.

"Wh..what just happened?" Warah asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, what did we miss?" Ishi asked, looking at both Caius and Joseph.

"I...I failed," Joseph replied brokenly.

"Technically you didn't," Caius said, startling all of them.

"What do you mean?" Joseph asked. "It blew up, I failed."

"At what point did I say light the lantern and keep it lit?" Caius asked, walking up to Joseph.

"You did it."

"You lit the lantern," he said, smiling. "And you did it without setting anything else on fire."

"I did," Joseph said, suddenly realizing his accomplishment. "But I still blew up the lantern."

"You controlled your power just enough to light it, Joseph you did it," Caius said again.

"WHOA," the echo of the crewmen struck their ears as all of them stood astounded.

"You did it, kid!" Sensi yelped.

"I did it," Joseph said, smiling from ear to ear and Kuzo ran to his feet, rubbing his head against the back of Joseph's ankle.

"Okay great, now can we eat?" Warah asked, holding his growling stomach.

"Yes we can eat now," Caius chuckled.