Chapter 42

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CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
#LASS_flower

Being stuck in a four corner room, silently crying while fighting the urge to cut myself. Waking up in the morning, eat, work, study and cry. That routine lasted for years. It's too hard to carry yourself, It's too hard to keep all the problems by yourself and It's too hard to understand people around you who can't even understand you, It's truly hard, really hard.

But I need to live. I've carried a life inside me, not just one but two. I need to be strong. I need to be successful so that I can provide all the things they needed and wanted. They are the source of my strength to keep on going so that I can get through all of this though problems of mine.

But in just a snap… my world fell apart kung saan nagsisimula na itong umayos. I lost the gift that god has given to me and I gained an angel.

Despite the obstacles that I've been through, losing someone is the hardest part of a person's life. It's a big challenge. The surroundings have been acting up crazy and my mind was clouded by some thoughts and I didn't even know how to start.

But… Thanks to the angel of mine who is always guiding me and giving me more strength.

I wiped the tears in my cheek that wanted to escape. Masakit man pero kakayanin.

Lumuhod ako at ipinatong ang bulaklak na binili ko para sa kanya sa gilid ng kanyang pangalan. Pina customized ko pa yan para sa kanya. My baby deserves the best.

I'm so s-sorry hindi ka naligtas ni mommy my Kavier Heaven D. Amirez

Thank you for the happiness, thank you for making mommy smile and thank you for giving light to my darkness world. You and Zia are the most precious gift that I have ever received, I have no regrets bringing you to this world.

Your giggles and smile are hunting me every night. I really missed you, my baby Kai.

Hindi ko alam kung ilang minuto ako nakatambay doon. Pinapasok ko na si Zia sa sasakyan ko.

She's always asking me where her brother is kaya naiiyak akong sumagot. I always answer her ‘to the right and better place where he always sees happiness that's too far away from ours to reach him’ and she always answers ‘then is he good in there mommy?’ and I said ‘too much good’ but what hurt me the most is when she asked me today ‘mommy is he not going to be awake? forever na po ba siyang matutulog? I missed playing with him’ my baby Zia is growing up. Unti unti ay narerealize niya na nawala na si Kai physically but mentally and deep in our hearts, he's still there.

I treasured most of our memories with Kai even if it's short-lived.

I cleared my throat and stood up and I swallowed the lump of my throat. God knows how I loathed myself from being pabaya.

Inihip ng malamig na hangin ang buhok ko and with that I know he’s with me.

“thank you for the hug b-baby” I whispered trying to stifle my sobs.

Nang makita kong pati ang kandila na sinindi ko ay namatay ay lumuhod ako muli para sindihan ito. Habang ginagawa ko ito may ingay akong narinig sa likod ko and to my horror ay dali-dal kong tinabunan ang pangalan ng lapida ni Kai ng bulaklak and stood up at lumayo sa puntod niya.

“hija Harrah!” sigaw ni tita nang makita niya ako.

Para akong mawawalan ng dugo nang makita ko kung sino ang nasa likuran niya.

it’s Ethan and his… dad.

Seeing him in a plain black shirt with black trousers looking so hot as fck.

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