Who Would Have Thought?!

Ch.55

—Katsuki's POV

Again...

Again...

Again...

Again...

"Fucking AGAIN!"

I fucking screamed again.

It's the second day, and a second hallucination.

Everyone saw me talking to my imagination...

Fuck... they'll tell Izuku, those bitches are going to tell him and he will never even look at me again.

At most he is going to laugh with those useless extras...

"Useless...?"

Am the one who is fucking useless right now!

How the fuck did I sink this fucking deep?!

I was suppose to keep it together but my hallucination is so clear and realistic... it's completely fucking me up.

I can't separate it from reality.

I just... I just can't fucking do it...!

But Izuku...

I want him...

I want him close and I want him with me.

I want to be with him.

I want...

I would do anything he ask of me to do if it meant I could be with him.

But now... now am useless, completely fucking useless.

He can't even use me for anything.

A freak like me is nothing, a blanket worth a lot more than I do right now.... at least that can warm you up but me... fuck...

I should just fucking kill myself!

Am useless! Fucking useless!

"Useless bitch!"

I screamed again...

"Fucking Die!"

And again.

Who gives a fuck... those extras are... whatever.

Fuck... I should just strangle myself, cut my veins?

Maybe.

I looked into the mirror... well... haven't I become the ugliest now?

Izu... he would probably get disgusted if he were to see me right now.

I slept so much so I don't fucking get it why I have these dark bags under my eyes... and I look like I haven't fucking eaten in days... so ugly.

If he had to watch me while I jerk him off I bet it would never end.

He couldn't finish having to see me like this...

"Shit..."

So now, not only am I a fucking crazy freak but am also fucking ugly as hell?

*Smirks*

Just how... *Sob* how fucking great *Sniff* is that?...

"*Sob* I-Izuku..."

I fucking sobbed staring at myself in that stupid mirror, seeing my ugly and pathetic self in that stupid glass.

No wonder he hangs with those stupid bitches...

*Sob* I look... I look the ugliest...

Shit...

"*Sniff* Fucking pathetic..." more tears just rolled down making me look even uglier as I stare at my own reflection.

I though it will all be okay but... but now?

I went over to the sink and open the cold water letting it run.

Am not good for anything like this...

Izu... Izuku is just going to leave and those bitches around him are all going to just laugh on me while clinging to him.

...Maybe if I was a girl then... then maybe I do have the chance to just sleep with him once...

I wouldn't be surprised if at least one of them had already given him a blow job...

"*Sniff* stupid tears..."

I leaned down as I cup my hands under the cold water which filled my hands... so damn cold.

I wash my face with it.

Pushing my head into my palms filled with cold water... it felt refreshing.

The coldness of it reaching my bones through my skin and flesh, so cold...

Maybe I could go to a doctor.

Maybe they could fix me...

Fix me for Izuku, so I would be just good enough for him.

Good enough... even if it's for only once.