시작의 새벽/Dawn of Beginning

Chapter Twenty-Three

As everyone traveled back to Haven, they all chatted amongst themselves, all except Sirena. She continued to replay the deaths that had happened in front of her as well as the lives she took herself. The American never noticed any looks that Varric and Cullen gave from time to time since she was so immersed in her own thoughts. Her mind was too much in a dark place to notice much of anything. She didn't even notice Evelyn's mount stopped moving till Cullen pulled on her reins to make her horse stop walking. When she finally snapped back to reality, she saw people dismounting. Sirena, herself, got off her horse and walked a big distance away from everyone and set her tent under a shaded tree after taking the saddle off her mounts back.

Once everything was set up she immediately went inside her tent. It was very easy to see that she was avoiding everyone. She had tied the tent flaps closed and sat down while trying to fight back tears from spilling down her face. When her eyes looked down, Sirena saw her hands splattered with blood. She wiped at them furiously, though, with no water, she was only smearing it onto her skin. A crunch from a twig outside her tent caught her attention causing her to look up to see a shadow sliding down. The silhouette was Varric's size. Now she was feeling annoyance. Her emotions were all over the place; first sadness, confusion, anger, then her current emotion. 'This must be what soldiers go through all the time' the American thought as she knew she was going into depression. She recognized the signs immediately.

"Sirena, everyone is worrying about you; especially a certain someone. We understand that was your first battle and bloodshed; you don't need to shut yourself out from everyone. We are here to support you." Even though she heard him, she would not reply. The American knew she wasn't alone, but she couldn't help but feel that way. To keep her emotions at bay, she closed her eyes and took deep breaths. While in her meditation, she heard Varric's voice call out to her from what sounded like was in the distance before her brain decided it was time to go unconscious.

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Back in Haven, Sirena continued to keep to herself. Though, it was more difficult since she shared the shack with Evelyn. She made herself scarce to the best of her ability which didn't take much. The American knew she needed mental help but there was no way of getting what she needed in the time period she was currently in since they didn't know about psychology. At least not enough of it. Her gaze looked over at her so called cousin before looking out the window to see it was dark outside. With her emotions numb, she got up from the bed and quietly walked towards the door. Without thinking, she opened the door. She took a step outside, getting hit with a blast of cold air to her face as she shut the door behind her. She started walking towards the Inquisitions force's training area when her feet moved in their own accord, then went into a run.

Sirena ran into the trees as fast as she could. When she broke through a clearing, she dropped to her knees in the snow and bent over while her hands clenched into fists, punching the ground. All the emotions she had felt and held back in Therinfal Redoubt came back five times fold. Tears streamed down her face as her blonde wavy hair locks waved in the wind. She grabbed whatever her hands touched and threw the rocks out of anger. When her blue-green gaze fell on a piece of sharp broken glass that was randomly laying in the snow, she picked up the shard and held it tightly in her gasp causing blood to seep through between her fingers. She held her left hand with the underside of her wrist up. Her hand that was holding the glass shard rose over her wrist, lowering it down while crying. She didn't know how to cope with all of the emotions she was feeling.

"Sirena don't do it!" The sound of his voice made her head snap up. Turning her head slightly while hearing the sound of snow crunching down, she saw the Commander walk over towards her. Her gaze went back to her wrist and hands when she saw from her peripheral vision him kneeling down in front of her. He grabbed the triangular glass shard from her hand and threw it away from them then took off his maroon coat from his armor and wrapped it around her before taking her small soft dainty hand into his large strong calloused ones. Cullen inspected her hand before looking into her eyes. "Why would you harm yourself?" He asked with concern.