I Will Follow You Into The Dark || Jegulus

49. Icarus

James hadn't had many bad days since going back to Hogwarts for his final year. Of course, there was always the occasional breakdown, the days he shut everyone out, but he was starting to get it under control. Or at least he thought he was. 

When James went to his tutoring session, (yes, he still had those.) Professor Slughorn was there. He stopped James and informed him that Regulus would not be able to tutor him for a whole, so it was being put on pause until further notice. 

"What?" Sirius asked once James got back to their dorm, "He never skips anything - I mean... He never has when I knew him." He mumbled. 

"I haven't seen him anywhere since... the quidditch match. I wonder how his absence will affect his team." James muttered, remembering that Regulus was now the Slytherin captain. 

"Of course your mind is always on quidditch," Remus commented. 

"Sorry mate, can't help it." James shrugged. Internally though, he was freaking out. Where was Regulus? Was he safe? James wanted to stomp right up to Dumbledore and interrogate him. Demand to know where Regulus was, but he knew he couldn't. He sat and listened as Sirius badmouthed his own brother.

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Sirius and his parents fought constantly, especially in the year leading up to him running away. Every day, Regulus would isolate himself in his room, trying not to hear the arguments, hoping they wouldn't escalate, but of course, they always did. Afterward, Sirius would sneak into Regulus's room, who would bandage him up, and whisper affirmations to his brother. The beatings and fights only got more frequent as time went on, and Regulus couldn't avoid the screaming no matter what room in Grimmauld place he locked himself in. He found himself listening in on some of the fights, hoping that if anything went too wrong, he could mediate. It was one of those days he tried to step in when his father used the imperious on him, forcing him to laugh and mock Sirius as their mother abused him. With how disoriented Sirius was for the next few days, he must not have realized Regulus was under a spell at the time. Any time Regulus went up to him, he would run away, or snap at his brother. He didn't go to Regulus's room after the fights with his mother, but Regulus stayed nearby just in case. No matter how much Sirius hated him, Regulus would always love Sirius. He was his older brother, his role model, and his best friend.

On the last night before Sirius ran away, there was another really bad fight.

"This is why you are such a disappointment. You're lucky I have Regulus to carry on the family name!" His mother screamed.

"I'm sorry I'm not your perfect little boy like Regulus! I'm sorry I'm a Gryffindor and that I don't torture people just for the fun of it! I'm sorry I have friends who fucking care about me!" Sirius screamed back. Is that really what Sirius thought of them? What he thought of Regulus. Just a heartless torturer.

"You are no use to me. If you hate it so much then why don't you just leave? You'll find yourself homeless, and when you're starving and begging for a place to stay, and a meal to eat, don't come crying to me because I will show you no pity." She said coldly.

"Fine then! It's not like there's anything here for me anyway!" Sirius shouted, and slammed the door open, making brief eye contact with Regulus, who heard the whole thing. Regulus let out a sob.

There was nothing there for him.

Nothing.

Regulus was nothing to him.

That night, Sirius left without another word to Regulus. Of course, his parents fought back, but Sirius pushed through the pain and managed to get away. Nobody went after him. 

Voldemort wanted to attack the ministry. He had a list of members he wanted to capture or kill, and he needed Regulus because he needed potions. There were only two decent potioneers Voldemort knew of and had access to. Both of them being Hogwarts students. Regulus and snape. He wanted more of course, and that was the next step in the plan. Attack the ministry, and capture people who would be of good use to Voldemort. There was one man Voldemort saw as highly valuable in the potions industry, of course, other than those like Horace Slughorn, there was one man who Voldemort knew took great pride in potion making. Fleamont Potter, creator of Sleekeazy's hair potion. He didn't seem like much on the surface level, but he was of pure blood and knew more than he let on.

"When did you become a death eater?" Regulus sneered the second he was alone in a room with Snape.

"I'm not. Mulciber and Avery's families uh... Recommended me." Snape muttered, "I wouldn't be here if I didn't have to."

"Neither would I. It's not like I wanted to be a death eater." Regulus grumbled, adding ingredients together in the cauldron in front of him.

Snape looked over, "Then why are you?"He asked in a genuine tone, which surprised Regulus.

"Lucius Malfoy used the Imperius on me," Regulus said, "He's marrying my cousin."

"I'm sorry," Snape said, a layer of sincerity that Regulus didn't expect from someone like Snape. Maybe he wasn't as bad as he seemed.

"I can't believe he managed to pull us out of Hogwarts, especially with everything going on, it's getting so much worse," Regulus muttered, adding one more ingredient before his potion let out a purple puff of smoke. 

"I'm glad to have a break. Even though the term just started. Potter and his gang won't leave me alone, and Lily won't talk to me anymore because I called her a mudblood. How stupid is that? She knows I'm a half-blood. We practically grew up together." 

Regulus couldn't help but think of James - who he didn't get to say goodbye to. He wondered how James must feel, being completely ditched. Regulus knew James's issues with dependency and structure, and yet again Regulus took that from him. James had every right to hate him. But no matter how much Regulus tried, it always seemed like James was the sun - and Regulus, just desperate to reach him, to love him, and to feel his warmth - only to fall. Regulus was much like Icarus in that way, or Hyacinthus. Loving the very embodiment of the sun, but never truly able to reach him. 

"You sound like a real git. Not even I've called anyone that. Real nasty term, especially to use toward your supposed crush." regulus said.

"How did you know?" Snape snapped.

Regulus almost laughed, "It's quite obvious how you feel about Evans, It's too bad that you made her hate you." 

"And how long will it be before your little fling starts to hate you?" Snape asked. 

Regulus stopped his work, "What are you talking about?" 

"You're always out late, sneaking into the common room well into the night. It's impossible not to notice." Snape said, "So who is it? Surely not someone in our house, so what is it? Hufflepuff? Ravenclaw? Gryffindor?" He asked, then smirked, "Oh it's a Gryffindor, isn't it? Won't your dear old mother be so happy?" 

Regulus sneered, "What are you getting at Snape?" 

"Oh, nothing. Though you might want to try harder at hiding your makeout sessions with your brother's best friend." 

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Snape is letting out his inner bitch. Hes really in his truthful era right now. He tries so hard to seem like a good person, but the mask is slipping.

The mythology references do not stop by the way. I think I need to stop. 

So uh guys I haven't been able to stop listening to Noah Kahan its becoming an issue. 

Anyway fanfiction writing syndrome has cursed me today - my school had a 'gas leak' I think the fire department said it wasn't a gas leak but literally what else could it be? and that's what the teachers were saying. Anyway after being in the hot sun for over an hour I decided to just go home. 

Also - Texas State's music school waitlisted me this is so heartbreaking. If they reject me I might change my major. As much as I love music, I want to go to Texas State. Wish me luck guys.