I Will Follow You Into The Dark || Jegulus

75. Watch What Happens Next

"Thanks for letting me stay." Lily said, "I wasn't sure how welcome I am, I didn't mean to invite myself over, but it seemed like Sirius needed it." She tapped her fingers over her knees.

"You're welcome anytime Lils. No matter what." James said. "You're practically part of the family."

"We love having you over lily!" Effie grinned, "I'm just glad James wasn't stupid enough to lose you." She Joked.

"Mum!" He threw a throw pillow at her.

"You know I'm right James. You all need her, plus she's just an angel" Effie looked like she wanted to pinch Lily's cheeks.

"Yeah... angel" James rolled his eyes sarcastically.

"Hey!" Lily frowned, "I'd like to think I was part of your gay awakening, so don't go acting like you regretted anything."

"I'm bi." James said, "And you had nothing to do with it. Just because I'm the reason for your lesbian awakening doesn't mean it's the other way around" He looked over at Regulus, who sat uncomfortably next to James. He hadn't really seen Lily since Hogwarts, and most of that time, she wasn't very fond of him, and he hated the fact that everything she said about him back then was true.

But Lily was so nice, and so beautiful and he felt a desperate urge to be liked by her, to be her friend.

"I uh... I'm gonna go check on Sirius. See if he'll talk to me." He muttered, mostly to James before making his way through the hallway to his brothers room.

He knocked on the door, but got no answer. The door was locked, so he knocked again. "Go away." He heard Sirius mutter.

Regulus sighed, "Sirius. Please talk to me. We need each other. I can't have us reverting back to how things used to be. Please." Regulus said. After a few long moments, the door opened to reveal Sirius, his face red, stained by tears.

"I don't want you to see me like this. I'm supposed to be the older brother but all you've done our entire life is take care of me, and I've never done the same for you."

Regulus wrapped his arm around Sirius and went to sit on his bed. Sirius layed down, his head in his brothers lap. "You don't have to always be okay. I was there to help you when we were kids, and I'm here now. I want to make up for lost time and I want to be here for you." Regulus ran his fingers through Sirius's tangled messy hair, "Merlin, when was the last time you brushed your hair?"

"Yesterday? I don't know." Sirius said. "I'm sorry for worrying you guys. I don't know what got over me." He sniffed.

"It's okay. I understand if you need to be alone but right after the fight with the death eaters... you terrified us half to death." Regulus clenched the hand that wasn't buried in his brothers hair.

Sirius reached for Regulus's hand, squeezing it gently, "It won't happen again. I just... Bella talked to me, and she was saying all sorts of things, and it just stung. She made me feel like I wasn't good enough for you guys, that you would be better off without me because I was no different from Walburga, or Bella, or Narcissa" Sirius said shamefully.

"Cissy isn't like them. I don't know why she stays with them. Why she's marrying Lucius. She knows she deserves better, and yet she lets the family manipulate her." Regulus muttered. "Maybe if things were different she would be like me"

Sirius hummed in agreement. "Maybe once the war ends. I wish it didn't start in the first place." Sirius huffed. "Not that things in our family would be much different without it. They've always been insane."

"Yeah they have." Regulus agreed, "I'm going to head to bed, alright? Will you be okay?" He asked.

Sirius sat up and nodded, "I love you Reggie. Seriously."

Regulus smiled, "me too." He closed Sirius's door behind him when he left. James and Lily were still in the living room talking when Regulus looked. He felt a pang of jealousy even though there was nothing to be jealous over. James loved him wholeheartedly, so it was selfish to want to keep James all to himself, he knew that. But sometimes Regulus just wanted to lock him and James in a room together and never leave.

Sometimes Regulus wished he were a girl so that he could give James everything he needed. They would would happy. They could have a kid, and live forever without needing jobs because of James's trust fund. Their kid would have both parents, and not be bullied in school. It would be wonderful. That was the life James deserved. But for some reason, James fell in love with Regulus, who was broken, and closed off, and hateful. Regulus, who had the dark mark permanently branded on his arm.

Regulus rolled his sleeve up to look at it. The ink was as solid and black as it had been the day he got it. He could feel it in his skin, down to his bones, as if it had it's own menacing aura. The skin around the mark was healed, but still had the scars from Regulus's feeble attempt to remove the tattoo. Sometimes he wanted to try again, now that he wasn't on his death bed. Maybe then it would work, but he was terrified to look at it, let alone touch it. Voldemort would know. Anytime Voldemort would call for his followers, Regulus would feel the sting of the mark, urging him to apparate to Voldemort's side. Sometimes it was so bad he was writhing in pain. He knew Voldemort wanted him, buy just not enough yet to do anything too drastic. Voldemort knew he knew about the horcruxes. There was no way he didn't, but Regulus wasn't sire if Voldemort knew they were destroyed or not. He was sure to be hunted down the moment the dark lord found out, and that was noy a very pleasant thought.

Even after everything, and with all the reassurance James gave him, Regulus still didn't understand why James stayed with him, wanted a life with him. Regulus didn't think he was worth th3 effort. He was a death eater, and he was going back to Hogwarts in a few months.

He thought again about kids. Having a kid with James would be wonderful, and Regulus wished he could have a normal domestic life with James as soon as possible. James suggested a surrogate mother. Someone who could update them constantly on the state of the baby, and it could still have one of their DNA.

Right as Regulus rolled down his sleeve, hiding the hideous mark, James walked in.

"Are you alright love?" James asked, tsking a seat on the bed next to Regulus.

Regulus immediately enveloped James into a hug "I love you Jamie. I want a life with you where we can live alone away from this war, and my family, and all the chaos, and I want a kid however we can have one. I want them to look like you so the world can appreciate you for generations" He said into James's chest.

"Where is all this coming from love? I mean of course I want all those things with you in time but-"

"I don't think I can wait James. With the war and everything going on. I don't even want to go back to Hogwarts. I don't want to leave you out here fighting him while I'm safe within the borders of Hogwarts."

"We can..." James paused, "If that's what you want, we can do that. We can find a surrogate mother and do the pregnancy while you're at Hogwarts. Or - or we could adopt. Once you're out I could buy us a house. Maybe in a nice muggle neighborhood, nobody would look there for us, and then only our friends  would know where we live. And it can just be us, together." James smiled and grabbed Regulus's hands lightly.

"Yeah. I want our baby to have your DNA though. We could have a little mini you running around." Regulus laughed.

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I had to help my brother move out today. I couldn't stop sobbing. Me and him were really close even though I bullied him, and hes only an hour away but im gonna miss him. Now I have to finish the show we were watching together alone, and we're also reading a book series together and I have barely even started book 6, its been like a week since we finished book 5. 

I was gonna try to watch the DCI finals at the same time I edited this chaoter, but I only have one monitor, which is literally a tiny ass smart tv (they suck as monitors) bc my second one was one my brother was letting me borrow from him.