I Will Follow You Into The Dark || Jegulus

14. LosT

James had been fine.

Fine.

He loved Lily. He could control himself, his emotions.*control* he told himself. Don't lose control.

James went to therapy, but only during the holidays and summers because Hogwarts refused to fund an on campus therapist. But usually he was fine.

Keyword: Usually.

He was having another episode. He didn't know what time it was, or even where he was, but all he knew was that he needed to be far away from anyone close to him. Anyone he could hurt. He didn't want to hurt them. He couldn't.

James tumbles through dark, empty corridors, head spinning with so many thoughts he could barely breathe. That's when he ran straight into someone. For only moments he was terrified that it was filch, or some other faculty member, but then he could make out something that resembled words through his fast running thoughts, and those words did not seem mad at him for being out so late. It must have been another student.

He didn't know who it was, he couldn't tell, his head was spinning so much, emotions such a blur that he couldn't think, and the next thing he knew, he was sitting against a wall outside somewhere, being told to breathe in and out at some rhythm.

"C'mon Potter, breathe with me. in... There you go, and out." The voice said. If only he could focus, he might know who it was coming from. It sounded familiar, but not familiar enough to know at the top of his head. He kept breathing when the voice told him to, and eventually his head was clear enough to think. He opened his eyes to be face to face with... Barty Crouch Jr. That was unexpected, but James' head was a flurry, so he didn't think about it too much.

"Crouch?" James mumbled almost incoherently.

"You doing better Potter?" He asked, taking a seat next to James. James looked around and noticed they were at the top of the astronomy tower, the air was cold, which seemed to ground James more, the cold air prickling at his skin. James realized he had been digging his nails into his palms again, he unclenched his palm to see the familiar crescent moon shapes dug into his skin.

"Y-yeah I'm fine... Why did you help me?" James asked.

"I struggle with episodes like that as well, it was the least I could do." He offered a small smile.

"I thought you hated me." James said

"I don't hate you, I just stand up for my friends when you harass them." Barty frowned, "Or Regulus's stupid brother." He sneered. "You and I aren't all that different, are we Potter?" Barty leaned back on the cold floor, his shirt riding up his stomach slightly.

"Never thought I'd relate to a Slytherin, but I'm here if you need help during an episode." James smiled up at the sky, looking at the stars, wishing he paid enough attention in astronomy to know their names. Maybe Sirius was up there above him, or Regulus.

"Same here. We may have our differences, but we're just two bipolar dudes trying to get through our shit with one of the black brothers constantly on our asses." Barty chuckled

"How's reg?" James asked

"He's... he may not seem like it but he cares so much about everyone. He's such a people pleaser until he gets face to face with his brother.

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During potions class one day, Slughorn Informed Remus that he was called to the headmasters office, he was confused but assumed it was for some prefect duties, but it was strange that he was called in during the middle of classes. He headed to Dumbledore's office, and luckily remembered the password to get up the stairs. Once he was there, Dumbledore was waiting for him.

"Please take a seat Mr. Lupin." Dumbledore motioned toward a chair in front of his desk. Remus slowly sat down, resisting the urge to question his presence.

"Do you know why I called you here today, Lupin?" Dumbledore asked. Remus shook his head "As you know, a war is starting, and I need your help." Dumbledore spoke slowly.

"Why me?" Remus was just a child in his own head, why would Dumbledore need him to fight in the war? From the very little he knew, it would be too much for him to help. The school was trying to keep information from the war away from students as not to worry them, but information got through anyway.

"You are a werewolf, You may come in very handy to keep an eye on Greyback and his gang." Dumbledore said, "Naturally of course, you are the only one capable of doing that for me." He clasped his hands together on top of his cluttered desk.

"So I am the only werewolf at Hogwarts Did you plan it this way? There's no way that there's not other werewolves my age." Remus frowned.

"It was hard to get you into Hogwarts, you must know that. Your father insisted that we let you in, and a man of his prestige is hard to deny. Having multiple werewolf students here is risky, so yes, you are the first and only werewolf here at Hogwarts, maybe if the war goes the way I intend it to, that may change."

Remus looked around Dumbledore's office, at the portraits of all the past Headmasters staring at him. One in particular stood out, his last name was Black. Phineas Nigellus Black, the great-great grandfather of Sirius. It was strange - the black family tree, how it intertwined with every pureblood family. Sometimes Remus wished he could have grown up as a normal pureblooded wizard, maybe his life would have ended up normal, but it never had been and never will be normal, and that abnormal is what gave him his best friends, so maybe life would be great for him.

"What do you want me to do?" Remus asked.

"I need someone to Spy on Voldemort and Greyback." Dumbledore said, "maybe get information on that horcrux..." he mumbled almost inaudibly. Remus forgot what he said almost as soon as he said it, it was a word he did not know, and did not care to know.

"Why would I do that?" Remus asked, crossing his arms. He felt uncomfortable. What was Dumbledore planning, and why was he trying to get children to fight his fight for him?

"because you must want to know how to harness your power, correct? I can help you do that and protect your friends. You can help end this war before it starts." Dumbledore stood up, staring up at the walls and the various things covering it, acting nonchalant; it made Remus's skin crawl.

"You are delusional if you think you can get me to fight for you. I am a child! Do you know what would happen if news got out that you were recruiting kids to fight the war for you!?"

"You cant deny this Remus! The only reason you are here in the first place is to do this." Dumbledore's voice boomed through the room, making Remus flinch.

"Oh fuck you! You're just like everyone else!" Remus stood up and walked out of Dumbledore's office without another word. He always knew Dumbledore was an asshole who never really cared about his students, but to go so far as to recruit Remus for the war, and to tell him the only reason he was allowed in the school at all was for the war, that was too far. 

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omg an update??? thats crazy I cant believe I didnt disappear for another entire month. I have a competition tomorrow and just figured I'd get this out before I headed to bed. I think my band has a chance of making finals.

Anyway uh weird ass thing theres two guys im pretty sure have a crush on me, one is this one kid who just like idk, he asks me out every year and I think its just bc he has this mental state that he thinks he needs to be in a relationship in order to be happy. This other kid tho, hes a sophomore and im just rlly hoping I am misreading signs bc hes a sweet kid, i love hanging out w him during band and stuff but id hate to make things awkward. 

erm anyways (i cant stop saying erm, its so funny) i hope yall enjoyed this chapter, and wish me luck tomorrow bc my band does not even have a chance against some of these bands, theyre pretty much the top in the country, so I dont think we will advance to stare, but we might make finals depending on if ppl decide to do the stuff we have been working on this week. tuesday's competition apparently a judge compared our musical sound to cedar ridge, one of the other higher placing bands, but our technique and forms are sloppy, uh anyway for any non band kids (probably everyone reading) im just spewing nonsense. I gotta go sleep now so that i can go dance around a football field with a ton of idiots.