I Will Follow You Into The Dark || Jegulus

38. Re-Do

James went to the astronomy tower every night, hoping to see Regulus again - to apologize, or something, anything. But he never showed. James tried to hold out the hope Barty and Evan gave him - that he would see Regulus again, that Regulus didn't hate him, but every day it got harder, and he started to lose hope. The school year was almost over, James was getting busier and more tired studying for his exams. 

One night, he sat in the astronomy tower, trying to make out the constellations when a small black cat appeared next to him. At first he jumped, thinking it was McGonagall catching him out after hours, but quickly realized it wasn't her. 

"Aww, who lost their kitty?" James asked, and leaned down to pet the cat. He leaned against James and purred before jumping in his lap. "What are you doing here?" He asked the cat, scratching behind his ear. 

"I was hoping someone else would show up, but I don't think he wants to talk to me anymore. I messed up. I don't even know what I would say to him, I have no explanation for what I did, I don't know how I feel at all about anything anymore. I shouldn't be feeling like this. I have a girlfriend, and I love her, and I can't believe the fact that I cheated on her. That's not something a good boyfriend does." 

The cat only meowed in response and rubbed his face on James's hand. 

"I wish I could figure all this out, but I feel so guilty every time I think about it. I told lily, and she cheated on me too. She slept with Mary. I - I didn't comment on it, but it just feels so much worse. I've never done that with her, and she went and did that with someone else, a girl too. I'm not homophobic, my best friends are gay, but It just feels so different when my girlfriend won't sleep with me but she's fine doing it with a girl. On my birthday too of all things." James chuckled, "And now I'm talking about it with some cat. I'm so pathetic. Sometimes I wish I could just go back in time and fix everything before it happened." 

The cat climbed up James's shirt and rubbed his cheek with his face. "Aww you are so adorable kitty, thanks for sitting with me." He gently picked up the cat and placed him on the ground. "How about you go back to your owner, I should get some sleep." James said and headed back to the common room.

𝄽

Exam season snuck up quickly, and the marauders found themselves studying constantly. It was different than the past due to Remus, who was struggling to read or write. Understandably, he was upset about it.

"I think you should talk to McGonagall about this." Peter suggested.

"Yeah. Maybe." Remus mumbled.

The group was sitting around a table in the common room, piles of homework scattered around the entire table.

"Hello boys, mind if I join?" Lily came up behind Remus.

"Yeah, take a seat," James said, not looking up from a paper he was fixated on. He just couldn't figure out how he was supposed to do this spell nonverbally. He was trying to transfigure a piece of paper into a candle nonverbally, but he just couldn't figure it out.

Sirius was too busy helping Remus to even think about extra studying. He had just finished all of his homework, and was now copying it all down for Remus, who of course suggested better ways to reword things constantly as he went.

Peter was attempting to read a book, but it looked like he was just staring at the same page, and he had been for a while.

"Ugh, I'm done." James slammed his wand on the table and groaned. "I'm gonna fail transfiguration." He sighed.

"Maybe you could ask Mr. "I'm good at everything" at your next tutoring session since you seem to love those." Sirius snapped. James looked at him shocked. He didn't think Sirius even cared much about that anymore, he knew James had little choice since Slughorn was the one who made Regulus tutor him.