I Will Follow You Into The Dark || Jegulus

52. Sunlight

It was another day James was skipping class. He thinks Halloween might have passed, but he wasn't sure anymore. He wasn't sure of anything anymore. Everyone was upset with him. His friends, his teachers, and his parents, probably his parents. It was laughable. James Potter, Golden Boy, reduced to nothing but a mess.

He barely left his dorm anymore. The last time he did, he was bombarded by classmates and teammates, demanding to know every detail about him.

Nobody was in the common room, though. Class was in session, and James was not in class. He wandered into the common room for the first time in probably a week. The overwhelming red as apparent as ever. He heard knocking on the fat lady portrait, and she swung open.

"Potter! Control this boy! He has been demanding to see you!" She knew him by name due to his colorful reputation, James almost laughed, but the sight before him nearly broke him.

Regulus was covered in blood and bruises, slouched in the doorway of the common room, a weak arm on the  wall to support him.

"Regulus?" James cried out and ran to him. He wanted to tackle him, he wanted to scream, he wanted to demand where he had been. He didn't do that. He pulled Regulus in for the gentlest hug he could fathom, scared to hurt Regulus. He wordlessly led Regulus up to his dorm and sat him down on his bed. He locked the door for good measure, but knew nobody would show up for a while.

"Love, what happened?" James felt broken. Regulus was hurt, bloody and bruised. James felt responsible, as if he inflicted those wounds, though he knew he didn't. That was the one thing he was sure of.

"I'm so sorry for leaving, James. I had to. My mother and you know who... I was forced to brew potions for him and fight the ministry. Oh, gods. Your father was there. " Regulus let out a sob, "I think he knew who I was, even behind the mask. We all had orders to capture him - of course I couldn't do that. I helped him escape, I hope that was enough." Regulus practically tackled James, holding him close, his hands wandering every square inch of James's body like he could disappear if he looked away.

They were both so very broken. So very perfect for each other. Two broken people picking up the other's pieces. Everything would be okay as long as they had each other.

"Can I use your shower? I feel filthy." Regulus asked.

"Of course, love." James smiled. Everything was normal. Maybe James could try to be normal. Pretend like nothing happened. James looked around his area of the dorm. It was an absolute wreck, just like his mind had been for the past - James looked at remus's calender. Just over a month. That was the longest something like that has lasted. He used to be able to avoid it. Avoid his friends, not let them see when it got bad, but over a month? They saw every gritty detail.

The longest episode James had was the summer before Sirius moved in with the Potters. It lasted practically the entire summer. James didn't remember any of it, but his mother told him about it.

James cleaned up all his things as he waited for Regulus to finish showering. He was just finishing putting a book up when he saw Regulus walk out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist. James dropped the books directly onto his feet, yelping in pain.

"Oh. Why are you - I - wow? " was all he said.

"I need a change of clothes."

"Oh, i-" james stammered. "I can get that for you. I'm sorry." He rushed over to his wardrobe to grab a sweater and some jeans for Regulus to wear. "Here, I hope they fit well enough," James said

"Thanks."

Regulus changes and comes out, "You alright, James?" Regulus asks, leaning against the doorframe. James was sitting on his bed now.

"Oh yeah, just saw my really hot boyfriend practically naked, don't mind me" James laughed, Regulus sauntered over and decided to plop himself on James's lap, "oh - that's- that's nice" James said.

"Oh, you are such an idiot Jamie," Regulus grabbed his face and kissed him. James smiled into the kiss and wrapped his arms around Regulus. He could stay like this forever until he and Regulus became one.

James couldn't help but think then about the ancient Greek myth of soulmates. Ancient Greek philosophers like Plato theorized that the Gods created humans as the perfect beings. They were born with four arms, four legs, two sets of genitals, and two heads. They were courageous and strong and hopeful. These humans scared and intimidated the gods, so Zeus split them into two, leaving them in a state of melancholy and emptiness, left to search for their other half.

Of course, James didn't like the idea that soulmates were always a man and a woman, especially in ancient Greek times, you have to admit, in all actuality, a lot of the more famous Greeks were homosexual. But that thought aside, James thought of Regulus as his other half. His soulmate. His light in the dark, he could go on. As long as he had Regulus, he was okay.

James practically devoured Regulus, "I missed you so much," He said between kisses, "I was so worried."

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you ahead of time. Were you alright?" Regulus asked, "Why are you even here and not in class?"

"I... no, I wasn't alright, I'm not going to lie to you. I have something I haven't told you.  I think you have the right to know now, " James said.

Regulus got off of his lap and layed against the headboard of the bed, facing James.

"I have bipolar personality disorder, according to my therapist. I have these depressive episodes. They usually don't last that long, but there are times when I lose touch with reality for weeks at a time. It's like being asleep, but I'm not. I have really bad thoughts and can't control it. Mood swings, and so many other stupid issues. I used to try to hide it from my friends, but it's gotten harder and harder. When you left, I went into the worst one I've had. According to Remus I didn't talk to anyone, barely left the dorm, I snapped at people, and one day after rotting in bed for days, I headed for the astronomy tower, and the only thing I can remember from the past few weeks is that I found myself on the ledge of the astronomy tower, and luckily Remus found me because who knows what I would have done" james felt like a monster. He couldn't even control himself. What if he hurt someone he cared about? Or himself?

"You -" Regulus gasped.

"I don't know what the hell is wrong with me," James buried his head in his hands.

Regulus placed a hand on James' face, lifting it up to look at him. "Nothing is wrong with you, mon cheri." He lifted James' hand and placed a kiss on it. "You're allowed to have emotions, don't be ashamed. You are so strong. "

"I love you so much," James pulled Regulus in for a kiss.

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Hey guys. So sorry for last chapters ending. I'm on vacation right now so I'm uploading this from my phone, hopefully it's not too terrible, I'll have to do some better editing on my computer once I'm home, but for now I'll give yall one or two chapters. I hope you guys are having a good time this week, I've been doing a lot of reading and fishing.