Falling Helplessly

Twenty Three - Jealous of the angels

Two weeks after her death 

I'd spent the past two weeks planning Ella's funeral alongside Lauren and Jodie and today was the penultimate day. Today was the day Ella would be put to rest and our final goodbyes will be said. 

I spent the morning looking through pictures of me and Ella, lost in memories, until Henry told me I had to start getting ready for the funeral. That one simple sentence felt like a punch to the face and to be honest I'd rather have felt that than this emotional turmoil there was no escape from. 

As I sit in the Church listening to the priest I wonder if I'll ever see her again, though I know I will because I feel her with me even now in this Church, I just know she's here even though I can't see her. I know her hand is over mine even if I can't feel it, giving me the strength to stand and deliver her eulogy alongside Jodie. 

"Nothing I say here will ever be enough to show you all just how much I loved that girl. She was the girl of my dreams ; she was gorgeous inside and out. There's no one else like her, she was unique and special and not a day that passes by will I ever forget her because she will always be my constant, my girl. 

If I could say one last thing to her, I would tell her just how much I love her that she was an amazing mother, an amazing girlfriend and she will never be forgotten, she was everything to me. 

Ella said to me in a letter she wrote that she wanted this, so I do hope that in death Ella finds the quiet and peacefulness she was always searching for because she deserved everything she ever wanted. 

No time I spent with her would ever be enough but I'm grateful for our story together because she saved me in everyway possible and I'm proud to call Ella mine that girl was extraordinary. 

And even though Ella is now gone, I have no doubt that my love and appreciation for her will forever go on." I said grasping Jodie's hand the entire time for support. 

"As you all know Ella was and always will be my best friend, I just never thought that she'd be gone from us so suddenly. 

Ella was always the quiet girl at first glance but once you really knew her she was honestly the craziest and kindest girl I've ever known. 

For so long, Ella doubted everything thinking she was somehow inferior to everyone, but I hope that now she can see how loved she was and how much she will be missed by everyone here today. 

So now you all know I loved Ella and always will for she was my sister." Jodie recounted before we both sat back down in tears, relying on eachother for the strength and courage we undoubtedly lacked together. 

Even though everyone from her past and family had to come to pay their respects, I knew Ella only truly cared that me, Becky, Jodie, Lauren and Henry were there just like she was there for all of us.