One week after her death
I was lost, that was the only way to describe it. Each morning, I wake up expecting to see her lying next to me and for a moment I do, until I realise I'm still dreaming and then she disappears again. In Jasmine, I see Ella ; she looks just like her mother, in everything I see Ella.
Jodie has stayed with me and Jasmine day and night since Ella's death and Henry fills in for her when she's working. Neither of them think I'm capable of taking care of Jasmine or myself at the moment alone that is and to be honest, they're right.
The thought of having to carry on living a life without Ella was unbearable. Each night, I think of going to her but I stop myself, until one night, tonight, the thought was too tempting, it got the better of me like it had done Ella ; the temptation of the knife.
I walked into the kitchen slowly pulling a knife the drawer, without so much as thinking, I felt the cool metal against my skin, all I could see was Ella. Even in death it was her who was always at the forefront of my mind.
"Stop!" I heard Jodie shout, instantly snapping me out of the trance I was in.
Slowly, she approached me, placing both of her hands over mine she gently took the knife away from me.
Once the knife was out of reach, Jodie dragged me into the living room with her, pushing me onto the soda, I could practically both the terror and anger radiating off her.
"Alfie! You can't. I know how much you miss her but this is not the answer, think of Jasmine." Jodie said sternly.
"She had a choice! She chose to die! She chose to leave me and Jasmine! But of course, I'm the selfish one, right? For wanting to be with her. I hate her! For the first time in my life, I hate Ella." I said, quickly wiping away the tear that had forced its way out.
"You do not hate her Alfie, you love her and you miss her, you always will. It's going to hurt but one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt the same. It's just going to take time but saying you hate her, well, that's just not fair and you know it." Jodie replied.
"You don't get it! The void she left in her place is unbearable but unlike her I have to continue living for our daughter. She got the easy way out and left me to pick up the pieces of the broken family she left shattered. She will never know just how much she hurt me be dying, I would've saved her, I should've been there!" I told her growing angrier by the second.
"You're not mad at her though Alfie you're mad that she's not here." Jodie stated.
I abruptly stood up and stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me. I walked into my bedroom and grabbed the small, black, velvet box from under the mattress and walked back to Jodie. Forcefully throwing it beside her on the sofa.
"Oh my god." She whispered. "You were going to propose."
"She was going to be my future, but now, now she's my past." I replied sitting back down beside Jodie as I rested my head on her shoulder, sighing in defeat. "How many more people do I have to lose before I lose myself?"
"I will never let you lose yourself. You will always have me. I am not going anywhere and neither is Henry and you know as cliché as it may sound Ella never really left you, she'll always be with you."
"She's no longer lost, she's just gone and no matter where I go I won't find her as she went to a place where I can't follow due to a promise I made to her years ago." I sighed thinking back to our younger years wanting nothing more than to turn back time.
"To protect Jasmine, always." Jodie said. "And you will. One day this pain you feel will subside."
"The only thing that can heal the pain she left me with is her."
YOU ARE READING
Falling Helplessly
RomantizmShe was a mother, a daughter, a sister, a best friend and a girlfriend. She was loved by so many but she had a past that haunted her and a mind that controlled her. She couldn't break free, so she chose to leave it all behind including the two peopl...
