Falling Helplessly

Eight - Hold On

"Ella finally got an appointment through to go to something called talk therapy, meaning she would actually have to communicate and recount the past once more, but Ella went into it with a mindset of 'I don't care, this isn't going to help me, I am not talking to some random woman'. After a while, the woman got through to Ella, which scared her, knowing she was going to have to face her demons ; well it was too much, so she shut down and began to cut herself more and more." I recounted before Jasmine stopped me. 

"Why did she start cutting again though? Especially when she was finally getting help." Jasmine asked. 

"I don't think she ever stopped. You have to understand that your mother was a very private person, she'd only confide in me or Alfie and even then she found it extremely difficult because your mum feared being vulnerable. And trusting to Ella meant that she could get hurt again ; she'd locked away her heart from everyone, but somewhere along the way she had handed me and Alfie the key. Ella cut to feel physical pain, it was a distraction from the mental anguish, it made her numb and she just couldn't stop, it was like an addiction. The urge to punish herself and feel nothing was stronger than anything else." I replied. 

Jasmine nodded her head in understanding and gently smiled at me, waiting for me patiently to continue, having nothing more to say. 

"Ella was home alone when it happened, she'd cut herself to the point where there were pools of blood on the floor. She quickly became dizzy and fell to the floor unconscious. 

Eventually, she heard the faint sound of her phone ringing, but too weak from the blood loss ; she couldn't move to reach it. She hoped that if she led there long enough death would take a hold of her, only death didn't answer her, Alfie did. 

They'd made plans to meet up, but Ella being Ella, had completely forgotten, time had somehow slipped away from her again. 

Once her phone stopped ringing, the knocking on the door began. Alfie was growing increasingly panicked checked Ella's phone's location to see she was in fact at home so he immediately knew something was wrong, so Alfie quickly grabbed the spare key from the locked box and ran into the house frantically shouting Ella's name over and over again, but no reply was given. 

As soon as she heard his voice she wanted nothing more than to die, she knew what this would do to him, it would break his heart clean in two but she couldn't move, she was too weak. 

Alfie bolted into her room, only to find his girl lay on the floor surrounded by blood with a razor still slightly clutched in her hand ; she looked lifeless. Ella was as good as dead for she had no energy left and no fight to give. 

Alfie immediately knelt beside her, pulling her into his arms, clinging to her, Ella whispered a barely audible "I'm sorry" 

Alfie instilled with fear, ran and got some first aid supplied from the bathroom, he'd picked up the skill of cleaning and tending to wounds overtime from all of the fight's he used to be in and through football. He immediately cleaned the deep cuts and applied some pressure before bandaging her arms up. Then, he gently placed a kiss on the bandages. 

He then carried her to her bed, lying with her in his arms, not willing to allow his girl to fall anymore. 

Ella was still conscious but wasn't willing to speak to him yet, so he left her alone for a while so she could rest as he cleaned up the blood from the floor and made her something to eat and drink before he was back next to her vowing once more to protect her even from herself. 

Alfie was distraught so as he placed a kiss on her head he whispered to her "I can't lose you because if I lose you I will have nothing left so please Ella let me save you." She didn't reply but instead she nodded her head ever so delicately and then slowly kissed him but Alfie knew he could only save her for as long as she wished to be saved, he knew deep down that one day he would be too late, that he'd find her dead, he was just thankful he'd been granted time to try and prevent that day from ever happening." 

"Well he failed." Jasmine muttered. 

"No, he didn't. Alfie did everything he could for Ella, we all did, but in the end she was too far gone. Alfie was the best thing that ever happened to her, without him she wouldn't have lasted as long as she did. For a long time, Ella was living solely for the people around her, until she couldn't no more." I replied. "I know you still don't fully understand Jasmine, but there's a lot more left of her story."