Falling Helplessly

Thirteen - Control

"Two days came and went and still Ella hadn't moved. I eventually pried her from the bed and forced her into the shower but after she refused to eat the toast I'd made for her and crawled straight back into bed. 

Alfie did everything he could to try and coax her out of bed, but she just wouldn't budge, nothing either of us did worked. Ella just cried silently to herself into her pillow hour after hour and when she wasn't doing that, she was either staring into space or sleeping, anything to drown the world away. 

Me and Alfie realised the only person she'd be willing to get up for was you, we kept putting off though, sending you into her as we knew your mother would be devastated if you saw her like this, but there was just no other alternative, so Alfie carried you into their room. Ella took one look at you and held her arms out and you immediately cuddled up to her, no words were exchanged, but your mum held you close until you were sound asleep in her arms, we thought our plan had failed, meaning there was now nothing that could save Ella except herself, but we were wrong. 

Alfie eventually left and walked back to into the living room alone, he was at a loss of what to do, there was nothing else he could possibly do now for Ella except wait, wait for his girl to come back to him. 

I called Henry and told him to take Alfie out for a drink allowing Alfie a night off from worrying about Ella, so once they'd left, I fought like hell to save Ella, if only for my sake, as selfish as it may seem seeing her like that crucified me to the core. 

I gently pulled you out of Ella's arms and placed you in your own bed, reading you a story to ensure you quickly fell back into a sweet slumber. 

Just as I'd finished reading, I heard a bang followed by what sounded like a mumbled scream coming from Ella's room. 

I quickly sprung into action, running to her, finding her curled in a ball on the floor sobbing. A knife lay on the other side of the room which she'd thrown trying desperately not to give into the temptation of the blade. 

I pulled her into my arms, holding her, reminding her how brave, how strong and how loved she was, we stayed like this for over an hour, until Ella had calmed down. 

Eventually, she followed me into the kitchen and finally allowed herself to eat and drink and then we spent the rest of the night talking through everything that she'd been keeping inside. 

I asked her about that night a couple of years later. I asked her what had helped her continue to fight and she told me that as soon as she held you in her arms, she knew she had to get better for you, that she couldn't bare to miss even a single day of your childhood and that seeing Alfie look so hopeless reminded her of how much he'd already lost and she knew that it was killing him to see the girl he loved wishing to die. It gave her strength loving you and Alfie, you saved her that night Jasmine, without even knowing it."