Falling Helplessly

Ten - Reflection

"The day Ella told her parents she was pregnant was probably one of the worst days of her life, her mum's initial reaction was too shout as if that could change the situation they were in, her mum shouted "How could you let this happen? Especially with him, he's a waste of space Ella!" Ella and Alfie both just stood awkwardly stunned by the nerve her mother had to say this especially to their faces. 

Alfie eventually took Ella's hand in his and calmly replied to Ella's mother by saying "I'm not going anywhere, I love them both ; nothing could ever drive me away from either of them, I'm in this forever, I'll take care of them both, I promise." 

That was when Ella's dad stormed into the room, apparently he'd been stood in the hallway listening, no one knew he'd come home. Ella had deliberately chosen to tell her mother when her father wouldn't be home, but of course nothing ever goes to plan. He stalked over to Ella anger radiating off him ; his face nothing less than thunderous, but before anything else could escalate Ella's sister (Lauren) walked into the room taking everything in as she gave Ella a confused look. 

Lauren was in her late twenties she had her own family now and was completely unaware of the events taking place in that house. Ella and Lauren actually used to be really close to one another, but somehow they'd drifted apart, little did Ella know that Lauren would always have her back no matter what, but she was about to find that out. 

Ella's dad started shouting erratically ignoring the presence of Lauren, he was becoming more aggressive by every second that passed. The moment he went to hit Alfie was the moment Lauren grabbed his arm and forcefully pulled him back as Ella jumped in front of Alfie. The hatred that Ella had buried deep within her at the forefront of her mind, she shouted "For over a year I haven't spoken a single fucking word to you so why now do you think you get a say in my life? I promise you this, you have lost me forever! You will never know this baby! And you should know I am counting down the days till I am free of you." and then Ella turned to her mum and added "Both of you." 

Then Ella and Alfie hand in hand confidently walked out of the house, followed by Lauren. As soon as they were safely outside Ella broke down crying. Lauren naturally sprung into protective big sister mode as she wrapped her arms around Ella and promised that she would sort everything out. Lauren said that Ella was going to move in with her and then Ella gratefully smiled at her sister before she leant into Alfie's embrace once more as Lauren told them that she would sort everything out for Ella to move in to her house the following day. 

Alfie took Ella back to his house for the night wanting nothing more than to comfort his girl and reassure her in anyway he could. He put the tv on for her purposely putting her favourite tv show on in an attempt it would help her relax as she lied on his chest but eventually she muttered to him "I feel so alone, it feels like no one understands me, my family hates me." 

So, Alfie gently kissed Ella and replied to her with "You Ella will never be alone, you will always have me. I love you so much and we have our own family now. Me, you and our baby. But not only that you have so many people around you that care about you and love you." 

Alfie spent the rest of the night trying to reassure Ella that they'd have an amazing future together, though she didn't believe him, no, once Ella believed something herself it would take a lot and I mean a lot too convince her otherwise. But if anyone could reassure her it was Alfie for he was the only person who could relate to this kind of pain she was feeling, the pain of hating your own father. 

The next day, both Ella and Alfie moved in with Lauren and her girlfriend. Lauren had told them Alfie was welcome to stay and of course Ella jumped at the chance to live with him and finally now they both felt safe. 

Ella was however at her worst in her first trimester, she had to take time off from college due to morning sickness. Not only that she had horrific mood swings which either me or Alfie were usually on the receiving end of. What made matters worse was that she felt like a burden to her sister because she and Alfie were permanently living there and she felt the same way about Alfie as whenever she wasn't feeling great he would take time off college and take care of her which no matter how grateful she was to him she had always been an independent person and hated needing to rely on another person, it just wasn't her. 

When she hit twelve weeks Alfie took Ella to her scan at the hospital, seeing you on the screen for the first time with Alfie sat smiling beside her, hope and happiness returned to her life at the prospect of a family and future but in the back of Ella's mind was always fear. She worried about being a good mother, losing you, whether you'd be healthy or whether you'd survive the birth because Ella already without even knowing you yet already loved you more than anything."