Falling Helplessly

Twenty four - Heaven

Four months after her death

Me and Henry hadn't been out together in ages, mostly because I hadn't been in the right state of mind, but four months have come and gone and I have to start living again. 

Once Jodie had arrived to look after Jasmine whilst I went out, I met Henry at the pub and we sat down at the bar together, talking about nothing important just drinking one after the other but I wanted to do more than drink. I want one last night of getting totally pissed out of my mind. 

So, I somehow managed to convince Henry to come with me to buy some coke from one of the dealers we used to use when we were younger. As predicted, Henry did not like the idea and of course tried talking me out of it. Ever since Ella had died, he hated the idea of me getting pissed or high though before she died it was usually his idea first. 

After sniffing the line, we both felt amazing at first, like we could do anything, until we got separated. Somehow in the midst of the excitement, I had lost Henry and after searching for him for over half an hour with no trace of him, I decided to drive home. It was definitely the worst decision I have ever made in my entire life, but I felt fine in that moment, I wasn't thinking. 

Once I'd set off my phone started ringing, I answered it and heard Henry speaking back to me but whilst I was on the phone, another car was speeding towards me ; I couldn't do anything about it in time. I was frozen. And then I felt the dull ache in my head, the cold breeze, the smell of burning, everything was spinning. Then, nothing. 

I could hear Henry shouting my name over and over but I couldn't reply, I felt numb and then the quiet came as did the haze but then I saw her, Ella, standing in front of me for the first time in months. 

"Alfie." She said in a quiet voice. "Go back. It's not your time." 

And that was all it took for me to slowly start walking towards her. I couldn't lose her not again, not when I've just gotten her back. 

"It hurt me so much when you left, I feel as though I failed you, you were breaking and I couldn't find a way to save you. Without you, time stands still, my love for you has only grown since you went away and we ran out of days." 

"It wasn't your fault Alfie, you have to know that." She replied with a sweet but yet sullen smile, that smile that I'd missed seeing each day. "Maybe one day we'll get our happily ever after but it is not now, you have to go back for our daughter, she can't lose us both." 

"There has to be time for us in another life, I don't want any part of heaven, I want to feel the rain when walking next to you, watch the moonlight underneath stars with you, you are and always will be the girl my heart belongs to." I replied. 

She then held her hand out to me and pulled me towards her. Instantly, I fell into her arms holding her closer than ever before because I was once again in the arms of the woman I loved ; the woman that saved me. 

I hadn't even noticed until now but we were stood in the meadow, the place we used to go together when one of us needed a break from the rest of the world. It was originally her sanctuary that one day she felt comfortable sharing with me.

The sun was shining through the clouds, the air warms with a slight breeze. Ella led down on the grass, flowers surrounding her. I took a moment to admire my girl, to make sure I savoured this moment, her beauty, not knowing how long I would get with her, before I led down right beside her. She placed her hand over mine, finally I felt at peace ; we were together once more. 

"Alfie, I need you to hear this and hold onto it. I'm so sorry I know how much pain losing me caused you but I couldn't go on, I had to leave. Know that I will love you forever and that here I am free, free from the grief and the hardships life drowned me with. I will always be with you but you have to go back now before it's too late." She said gently. 

I watched her as she stood up once more, letting go of my hand, she smiled at me. I couldn't stand this, I couldn't bare to watch her leave me again, I wanted so desperately to stay here with her but she didn't want that, not yet anyway. 

"Wait!" I shouted as she slowly began walking away, I jumped up quickly, knowing that in a moment she would be gone. 

I ran towards her, lifted her up in my arms and kissed her as I slowly spun her around, treasuring every second. The girl I loved was in my arms for what would be the last time for years. 

"Don't leave me ; not yet." I practically begged her as I slowly put her back down on the ground but still clinging to her, I buried my face in her neck as she held onto me running her fingers through my hair just like she used to. 

"Look at me Alfie." She whispered, so I slowly lifted my head up to meet her gaze. "It will get easier, with time you will miss me less but remember whenever you feel alone just close your eyes and I'll be right there with you, watching over you and Jasmine, protecting you both from here. I'm waiting her for you Alfie. Always. But know it's ok to move on from me." 

"I don't want to leave you." I protested, tears clouding my vision. 

"You have to, I love you but this is not your time, but whatever you do Alfie do not go back to drugs like you did tonight, don't go back to your old ways ; that life is behind you now, allow Jodie and Henry in, let them help you. You will get through this, I promise. I believe we'll get our second chance whether it's here or in another life, you and me together again, this one just wasn't meant to be together. But Alfie, don't ever blame yourself for my death, you saved me a million times over. You showed me I could depend on you, you gave me happiness and a purpose. You gave me our daughter, a family. You are and always will be my soulmate. I'll see you in a little while. I love you. Goodbye Alfie Wilson." She said as she softly placed a delicate kiss on my lips, our last kiss. 

She then turned around and walked away from me. I watched as her long blonde hair swayed in the wind as she walked away into the sunset leaving me again, only this time we got our goodbye. 

And just like that she was gone.