Alastor X Reader: Blood For Freedom

29. Garden

*** Some descriptions of traumatic events present, brief

*** Alastor's POV ***

At this point my two sides were bickering almost all the time, and it was admittedly driving me a little insane. If there was anymore insane to go anyways.

There was a part of me horribly torn up about seeing you that way that night. It was clear beyond shadow of a doubt that you drank so much to try to stop yourself from reliving all those terrible memories the voicemail brought out. I saw it in your eyes, I knew the look. You probably could barely form two thoughts together that didn't end in a horrific flashback.

I wished you had come to me, but I couldn't really expect that, I haven't exactly given you reason to believe I could be there for you in such a moment. But you also didn't even call Stolas as I could tell from seeing your call history while you found Paimon's voice mail. Just like your cutting yourself with no second thought or keeping your loneliness from the others to make sure they could go have fun at Lulu World, or as I was only now realizing, hiding just how little sleep you were actually getting, it just all felt deeply uncanny and wrong. And I, Alastor, wanted to make it right.

The other part of me, the Radio Demon, was still convinced that this is all a terrible mistake. That at best I would end up hurting you and at worst I'd loose my life for getting involved. It pushed back with vigor in those quiet moments. But what really boggled my mind is I found my self absolutely hating my self for the later, and not the former. Caring for you, talking to you, thinking of your well being felt so right that when the dark glob that urged me to cut it off came roaring I found it detestable. My shadow's words about treating you like my Ma taught you didn't help in that regard.

My mother was a sweet, loving person, caught in a horrible situation. If I am capable of love, I loved her. Still do. Similar to the hypothetical woman you had described to me, she couldn't leave a horrible marriage. But she didn't have someone like you around, so it was not her cunt of a husband who turned up dead after a particularly rough night, but her. I found her dead, on the bed, head hanging over the edge upside down, with my father still on top of her. It was then that he threw me out the window threatening to kill me if I told anyone. I came back for him years later. But that never helped the pain of that night.

Somehow after all these years I still believed that, even with the cruel and manipulative man I had become my mother would find it in her heart to love me. Even though I had failed her. I couldn't protect her. But the thought of treating you with same disregard as I did the rest of the people around me felt like something she wouldn't forgive. And so I just couldn't bring my self to do it, instead letting the part of me that craved taking care of you to pull me along. The sensation reminding me vaguely of my mother pulling my arm as we crossed the street, guiding me through the crowd.

You didn't look a whole lot happier the next day or the days after, but you at least seemed to have laid off the drink. You used it in a particular low, but it wasn't a vice you preferred. Between the constant arguing in my own head, I was trying to think of something I could do to get your mind of things. I was showering this morning, letting the hot water hit the back of my head and curl around my neck when an idea popped up. There was a few distinct things that stood out to me in your room when I looked around, and one of them were sketches of herbs and flowers.

Once I was done, I called up an old contact and got to work on a little addition to the hotel. Using some magic and "Stay out, Under Construction" signs to keep it all under wraps for a couple of days. It raised questions from the hotel crew, but I was the facility manager, as far as I saw I could add whatever facilities I pleased.

*** Your POV ***

Alastor did leave you a note before leaving that night:

Goodmorning my sweet, hope this finds you well. I put you to bed, and left shortly after. I didn't want to overstay with you being so intoxicated. Feel better, Alastor.