Forbidden Love

Chapter 18

Irin is sitting on a chair at the nurses station, while Becky is standing looking over a chart at the desk.

As she turns around, she finds Freen standing a few inches from her nose. She clumsily takes a step back and clears her throat, first glancing at a very confused Irin, then back at Freen.

“Hi.” She says softly.

Becky gives her a forced smile and tries to look away to avoid any eye contact.

“Are you busy?” Freen asks.

“Um- now? I, uh, have a surgery.”

“Can I take you out tonight?”

Becky flushes. “Dr. Chankimha “

“What?”

“Now is not the time.”

“Remember that I could be dead later.” Freen says smirking.

That.

Damn.

Smirk.

She thinks she can get away with it just because she’s attractive?

Yes. Okay. Maybe.

“Fine!” She sighs.

“Now can you please..step back? I need to-"

She tries to walk away moving to Freen's left, but the girl places herself in her way and stops her. Becky tries the other way, but Freen places herself in front of the brunette, and Becky bumps against her again. She sighs in frustration and looks at her with a serious face, while Freen is still smiling softly. “8:30. Don’t be late.” Then she walks away.

As Becky meets Irin's gaze, she knows her best friend is about to lecture her.

“Are you serious, Bec?”

“Irin! You’re not here to sit and eat gummy bears! Get back to work!” Dr. Nam shouts at her.

Irin sighs and gets up throwing one last deadly glance at Becky.

“We’re not done talking.”

**********************************

Becky is standing at the nurse’s desk writing down the post-op when Faye walks up to her out of the blue.

“Dr. Armstrong, nice to see you again.”

Becky's stomach is suddenly filled with acid and a weird sense of anger. She doesn’t answer, because she’s far from glad to see her again. She hoped she would be far away by now, but there she is.

“Have you seen my wife, by any chance?”

The nerve this woman has.

Becky drops her pen and looks at her in a challenging way. “Your ex wife, you mean?”

“I don’t recall signing divorce papers.” She chuckles amused.

“But she did.” Faye frowns in confusion. “Uh, no, she didn’t, I have the files.“ Then Faye walks away following another doctor in the hallway.

Becky's jaw drops. Suddenly she doesn’t care about Faye, because the only person she wants to direct her anger at, is Freen.

“Hey, you’re here. Are you ready?”

As Becky turns around to look at Freen, the girl knows there’s something wrong judging by Becky's face. It’s the same one she gave her until that morning.

Becky doesn’t say anything, she just pushes Freen out of the way and walks rapidly to the locker room.

“Becky, what’s wrong? Talk to me!” She tries to grab her wrist but as she does, Becky pulls violently away and keeps walking.

At that point, Freen pushes her into the next stairwell.

“I knew I shouldn’t have given you a chance.” Becky says both angry and sad.
“God, how stupid am I?”

But Freen still looks oblivious and worried. “Why are you saying this?”

“You didn’t sign the divorce papers. You’re...you’re stalling.” She laughs bitterly.

“Becky you have to understand...”

“What?! What do I have to understand now? That you had doubts again? You know what that means, Freen? That probably you don’t want me that much. That you want her.”

Her voice cracks at the end, feeling her heart breaking all over again. That’s what she didn’t want to happen. That’s the power Freen has over her. She’s able to break her more than once and she would still be there willing to give her another chance even when she doesn’t want to, even if it hurts.

“I don’t..I just- We were together for five years, Becky. And they were five good years before everything happened. And I’m not saying I want to get back with her. I’m just saying that...” She sighs heavily, feeling her heart pounding in her chest.

“That you’re what, confused? Last night you told me that you knew what you wanted. You know what, Freen? I think you need to get your life in order, because I won’t follow you into this mess anymore.” A tear runs down her cheek. “I won’t be your second choice.”

“Becky...” She cups her cheek and caresses it tenderly. “You never were.”

Freen's touch feels like a flame burning on her skin. She feels the sudden need to pull away so as not to get hurt- more hurt, than she already is.

“Just stay away from me, please.”

Then she walks away. And it seemed that it could become easier now trying to walk away from Freen.

**********************************

Becky comes back home tired both physically and emotionally from that day.

She opens the door of Billy's room and sees him on the bed. She walks on the free left side of the bed and lies down.

Billy raises his gaze to study Becky's face. She had become easy to read for him.

“Bad day?”

“She didn’t sign the divorce papers.”

Billy sighs, feeling sorry for the girl. “That’s it, tomorrow we’re going hunting. I’ll be your wingwoman.”

Becky smiles. “I bet you’re good at that.” Then she meets Billy's eyes, “What about Mind?”

Billy scoffs a laugh. “I guess she doesn't like me. I don't care anymore."

“Are you telling me you haunted me for days trying to get into my pants and you’re giving up that easily on her!?"

“It’s not the same thing.”

Becky closes her eyes and groans. “God. You have feelings for her, we know. That’s why you should do something about it while you still can.”

“You have feelings for someone too and look where it got you. So, we’re going chicks hunting tomorrow. Period.”

“Like I have a choice. Sure.”

They stay silent for a while.

“Go to sleep Bec.” Billy says abandoning his face against the pillow.

Becky smiles and keeps silent.

Silence falls for a while and Becky starts feeling her eyes heavy.

“Can I sleep here?”

When an answer doesn’t come, Becky makes herself more comfortable and closes her eyes, falling asleep after not long.

Sometimes you just have to stop, even when you don’t really want to. It’s easy to give in, it’s harder to get rid of ‘bad habits’. We don’t want to say goodbye. Sometimes we’re such masochistic that it doesn’t matter how much we’re scared of getting hurt. We still jump without the safety rope, hoping that maybe the fall won’t hurt so much.

When it does, it doesn’t even come as a shock.

It’s like we knew it, but we just hoped that we were wrong.