Forbidden Love

Chapter 31

Freen doesn’t know if she should go talk to Becky. She would have a good excuse to go in because that’s their room after all, but maybe her girlfriend needs some space now.

It’s hard to guess what the people you love might need sometimes. Do you give them some space or do you just hammer their walls down?

“What are you doing out here boss? Girlfriend kicked you out?"

Freen turns her attention from the door to Billy standing in the hallway, looking curiously at her.

“Becky is in there. She’s upset.”

“Did something happen at dinner?”

“Kind of."

“What happened?! Is she okay?” Billy yells so loudly that Freen doubts Becky didn’t hear it too.

Freen narrows her eyes, and Billy instantly shuts his mouth.

"I don't know what happened. I think it has something do with her past. I have to talk to Becky first."

Freen slowly opens the door, titling her head inside. She instantly catches Becky's gaze, who’s sitting on her bed holding a pillow in her lap. She gives Freen a weak smile and the surgeon takes it as a sign that she could come in.

She returns a soft smile and sits next to the brunette, who instantly rests her head on Freen's shoulder.“I’m so sorry about tonight.”

Becky seems really sad. It almost breaks her heart. Freen wonders how the fact that she was shot had anything to do with her past. If this is another part of Becky's life she doesn’t know yet, she really wants to.

“It’s okay.” She presses her lips on her forehead and then rests her head on Becky's. “I’m just worried about you.”

Becky keeps quiet for a while, and Freen doesn’t push her to talk, until it’s Becky who decides to break the silence.

“When my dad left...I went through a really hard time. I just...I couldn’t bring myself to accept that he was gone. Then my mum started avoiding me. And I started getting out of control. I would easily get angry or violent, or I would just...think of any way I could hurt myself.”

“Why?” Freen's voice comes out as a broken whisper.

“Because I felt like it was all my fault. The fact that he left. Why my mum constantly avoided me. I don't know I somehow felt I was the reason. And I was. Even if it's in a way I never expected." Becky closes her eyes, trying to fight the memories coming back to her all at once. “I was broken. My whole family fell apart. I felt like I was alone. My aunt Ruby had to practically pause her own life to raise me. I felt responsible. And I...I just wanted my mum.”

Becky starts crying silently, and Freen can swear it’s the first time she’s ever seen Becky this heartbroken.

Infront of her was this fragile and vulnerable girl who carries the wounds of the past with her. Freen gets that. She carries those too.

She wonders when someone really stops feeling the loss; if there is a day when she‘ll stop feeling like there are so many pieces missing from her life.

“That’s why they think you asked him to shoot you on purpose? Because you...” Freen swallows hard, “Becky. Did you try to...”

Becky lowers her voice and her head, feeling ashamed of herself for what she’s about to say; but it’s Freen, and she doesn’t want any secrets between them. “One day...I was at the beach with my aunts, um, I...was swimming. The waves were really high and at some point I ended up under one of them, way deep. I tried to fight my way back up, you know, but the pressure of the waves just kept pushing me down. But then...at some point it was just me.”

Freen was looking at her with bated breath. She doesn’t want to believe Becky means what she thinks she means, because the mere thought of it saddens her terribly.

Her Becky. Her happiness. The one who brightens her days even more than the sun in the sky. Her sun.

“Becky...”

“I stopped fighting.” At that point she finds in herself to look at Freen in the eyes, despite the fact that she fears what Freen might think of her now. But she needs to see the look on her face. She’s almost sure this will change the way Freen feels about her, even if she doesn’t want to be seen this weak and broken, because she’s not that person anymore.

“I told myself...what’s the point? I ruined it. I ruined everything. I want my mom. I wanted my dad.” She stops to breathe for a moment and then clears her throat. “I almost died. Actually, um, my heart stopped, for a long time. The doctors almost gave up on me. And during that fraction of time....I felt like someone was telling me to come back. That I wasn’t finished. That I had so much more to give and to do.” She smiles sadly. “You probably think I’m crazy.”

“Hey, I could never think that about anything you say. I believe you.” Freen squeezes Becky's hand and brings it closer to her lap.

Becky smiles weakly and plays with Freen's fingers in hers. “But I know I was stupid, and that I became self-destructive and I just hurt my family even more, but the guilt was eating me alive. So...that’s why they think I did it on purpose.”

“But you didn’t, right?”

Freen can’t help but ask at this point. She has to make sure that Becky did what she did for Freen.

A single tear runs down Becky's face. She smiles softly at the surgeon and brings a hand on her cheek to caress her tenderly.

“Of course not. I did it for you.”Freen exhales deeply and brings Becky's hand to her lips, placing soft kisses in its palm and then its back. Without realizing it, she was the one crying now.

“Becky, if you ever really need to let something out, or you feel overwhelmed because of this...”

Becky smiles softly and grabs both of Freen's hands. “I’m okay Freen, I promise. I never wanted to live as much as I want now. It might sound cheesy and ridiculous, but you play a big part in that.”

“Really?”

“Of course. Before knowing you, even if I was okay, I still had times when I would feel myself drowning all over again. And between that and what was happening to my mom... Then she told me the truth about everything and it was even more unbearable. But you...” She sighs softly. “You were like coming up for fresh air. I‘m not drowning anymore. I’m happy...so happy, I can’t imagine not wanting to wake up the next day to live it, because you’re here. You managed to fix me whole and save me and you don’t even know it.”

Only then Freen realized she was sobbing like a child. She collides their lips together in a deep kiss, then she feels the need to hold the brunette girl in her arms, perhaps tighter than she ever has. She almost wishes they could become one, so that Becky knows she will always be safe with her. She would keep her safe from anything.

“I’m not letting you go, ever. And we’ll be okay. You have me. You’ll always have me.”

Becky cries more, but chokes her sobs by hiding her face in between Freen's neck and her sweater, crawling more in the surgeon's embrace.

When Becky breaks the hug to face the surgeon, she finally smiles widely while brushing her thumbs on Freen's wet cheeks.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”