Nagising ako dahil sa kaunteng sakit na naramdaman ko sa aking leeg. Maybe because of my sleeping position.
I looked outside and found it is still dark.
Napatingin ako sa isang itim, makapal at malaking coat na nakabalot sa aking katawan.
I turned to the other side and found the man who owned the said coat and the one who put it on me.
Kiyu Valdroa is sleeping peacefully. Both of his arms are in his chest. His seat was bent slightly kagaya ng akin.
Bandang alas dose kami umalis kanina sa restobar at ngayon nga ay sampung minuto na lang at mag-aalas kwatro na ng madaling araw. I saw the time on the screen of infotainment system in front of me. The engine of his car is still on kaya naman it is on, too.
When I asked him kanina kung saan kami pupunta hindi siya sumagot. Sinabi niya lang na kung inaantok na ako ay pwede akong matulog sa biyahe. I don't know kung ilang oras siyang nagdrive since nakatulog na nga ako at ngayon lang nagising.
I stared at him. His side profile is perfect. His sharp features suit him very well. He is really handsome and hot. Kahit na nakalong sleeves siya pero batak na batak ang biceps niyang maskulado dahil nakaflex ito sa dibdib niya.
Ngayon ko lang siya natititigan ng ganito since hindi ko ito nagagawa kapag may nangyayari sa amin. I can't concentrate when he is doing something to me. He always altered my mind.
But now he is still, natutulog at walang ginawa kaya lulubusin ko ang pagkakataong ito.
I don't know what will happen to us after this. I don't know what will happen to my life next to this. One thing is for sure which is we will be on our own and forget about this.
But we can't really forget unless na lang magka-amnesia kami. It's just that we will move forward and face different things in life.
He will not contact me again. Iyon din ang gagawin ko. Matatapos na ang negotiation namin. We will end this all.
I am still sad kasi palpak ang plano ko. It was a failure. Kung sa thesis pa ay rejected by the panelists at hindi na pwedeng i-revise.
But I must accept it. Kailangan kong mag-move-on. Kailangan kong magpatuloy sa buhay kahit mahirap.
Siguro mag-aalaga na lang ako ng aso? I will be a fur mother na lang kaya?
Sige. Iyon na lang ang gagawin ko.
Sometimes when I let myself daydream naiisip ko na what if ipagpatuloy namin ito hanggang sa makabuo kami? Paulit-ulit namin gagawin at hindi titigil hanggang sa mabuntis ako?
I want it.
But I can't let that to happen.
Ako ang mahihirapan. Ako ang babagsak sa kawalan.
Yes I am admitting it now. I have feelings for him. I don't know exactly kung kailan nagsimula.
Oo na at ako na ang pinakatangang babae sa buong mundo. Kinain ko rin ang lahat ng sinabi ko sa kanya.
Hindi ko alam kung bakit ako nahulog sa kanya gayong red flag siya.
I hate that I have feelings for him kasi hindi dapat at dahil hindi ito kasali sa plano ko.
My plan is to bear a child and become a mother pero iba ang nangyari at iba ang nabuo.
Bwiset.
Maybe because on how he treat my body. I hated my body back then but he made me accept it. I don't love my body but he made do.
Yes I offered him my body but I can't trust him my heart.
