The Lost Memories

12. lying to herself

I'm just stretching in the middle of the room, getting my body ready for rehearsals. Things are starting to get serious, and I have to make sure that I shine this year. I can't afford an injury or any setbacks. Maybe I should be thanking Emily for calling things off with me.

All of a sudden, I hear Kenzie's voice. "Hey, you alright?"

I nod, "Yeah."

She stands beside me, joining me in stretching. "So... what do you think that was about yesterday?"

"What was what about?" I ask her, not really caring to talk about it.

"Did you black out during rehearsal or something?" She says to me, "I'm talking about what happened with Richelle and Michelle! You know, when Michelle nearly sent her across the studio floor-."

"Yes, I remember, Kenzie!" I show her that I'm not exactly thrilled to be talking about this. "But, if I'm honest, I don't really care anymore. They have their shit, so just let them deal with it themselves."

"Oh, come on, Summer! Don't be like that! You can't tell me that you don't find it a little bit entertaining."

"I don't." I say, trying my best to focus on stretching my body.

"Jeez, when did you become so boring!" She jokes.

I reply with, "When I realised that we're not going to win Internationals by caring about pointless drama. You know, we've worked so hard for this, and we can't let Richelle ruin it. She's already ruined so much by causing all of this in the first place."

"By causing what exactly?" She continues to bother me with her questions. "None of us know what actually happened between them. What did Richelle do that was so bad?"

I roll my eyes, this time walking past her. "Like I said, I don't care."

I walk away from her, trying my best not to get involved in the drama and to focus on my dancing instead. I focus on myself in the mirror as I begin to stretch out my body. I then notice my outfit, and I start to criticise every single part of it. I get so hard on myself sometimes.

But when I notice Emily walking into Studio A out of the corner of my eye, I'm instantly snapped out of my bad thoughts.

"Emily- Emily, wait!" I shout over to her, causing a few of my teammates to look over in confusion.

She looks embarrassed when I cause a scene.

"C- can we talk?" I ask her as I catch my breath.

She looks hesitant. "Uhm- y- yeah."

"In here," She says.

I follow her into the office, and I can't help but admire her figure as she struts in front of me. It seems like everything she does makes my heart ache for her. But I know that I need to put all of this behind me and finally move on, despite how hard it'll be.

She takes a seat in the office chair, but I decide to stay standing– this won't take long.

"So... what is it?" She asks me, almost like she has no idea what I might want to talk about.

I get straight to the point, "Em, you can't keep doing this forever! You can't keep ignoring what happened between us! I know you have your life and your family, but you made the choice to sleep with me that night; I didn't force you into anything."

She sighs, "I know, okay, I know. I guess I just thought that if I keep ignoring it, then it'll go away."

"That's not how it works." I tell her, "It's not going to."

"I know."

She then says with a serious look on her face, "Despite anything I might've felt for you, you have to understand that this can never happen again. I- I have a family, Summer, and you know how hard I've worked to have that. It might not be a perfect one, but it's important to me. Plus, I would never want to hurt Michelle."

"Even though she's hurt you so many times...?" I don't hold back.

"She's a good person, Summer! You just have to get to know her first."

"What, so everything you told me was a lie? She doesn't leave you to go off and live a completely different life? She doesn't treat you like you're an object? She actually shows that she cares about you?" I begin to get frustrated with Michelle's control over Emily.

"I shouldn't have said anything to you in the first place." Emily says whilst dramatically getting up off her chair to lead me out of the office.

I can instantly feel the tension in the room. Emily rushes towards the door. and I can tell that me being here is irritating her. She quickly opens it, gesturing for me to leave. I don't move though. I want to show her that I don't believe her lies.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about!" I tell her, "You ignore the fact that she treats you like shit, and it's so frustrating to watch! You just push me away again and again and go back to living your miserable little life with her!"

"Summer, t- that's not fair-."

All of a sudden, my heart skips a beat when I hear a familiar voice on the other side of the room.

"Hey, what's going on?" Michelle questions us.

I feel my cheeks burn with embarrassment as she walks in on our heated conversation. I hope that it's not showing on my face because it'll sure give our secret away. But I can't have that happen, so I try to contain my emotions.

"Uhm- we- we were." Emily stutters, looking guilty.

"Summer, what are you doing here?" Michelle asks me.

But then I finally exhale when I hear her say, "Is this about the solo?"

But Emily speaks, "No, i- it- w-."

"Yes!" I interrupt her before she can fuck things up for us. "It was about the solo! I- I was actually just wondering when the auditions will be. I mean, I haven't heard anything about them yet; I was just wondering if you have a date in mind."

Michelle looks annoyed that I brought it up.

"Uhm, I'm not sure yet." She tells me, furrowing her brows, "I've just been busy; it's not been on my mind."

"That's fine!" I try to seem enthusiastic, "I should go then; I have somewhere to be. I should probably rehearse in Studio 1."

"Okay." She doesn't question me about anything.

I walk over to the doorway where Emily is still standing. She's clinging to it with an empty look on her face, making me want to hit her to see if it makes her see things more clearly. I love her, but I don't love this side to her. If she really loved Michelle, then she'd confess.

"Bye, Emily." I say in a sour tone.

"What was that all about?" I hear Michelle's voice as I walk out of the room.