The Lost Memories

37. is this right?

My eyes slowly open. It takes me a moment to realise that I'm not in my bedroom, and when it does sink in, I get this terrible feeling. It's a familiar feeling, but certainly not a good one.

I shiver slightly, pulling at the bedsheets to try to cover my body. The cold brushes against my skin, and it only makes me want to cover up more. I want to feel the soft fluffiness of my favourite Hello Kitty pyjamas.

I sit up slowly, trying my best not to wake Mom and Dad. And when I manage to do that, I turn my head to look at them.

"Mom? Dad?" I say quietly.

I wait for a response, but I don't get one. I figure they're asleep by now. They've always been deep sleepers, so I decide to take my chances tonight. There's a new episode of my favourite show– Spy Kids– and I've been so desperate to watch it.

"Are- are you awake?" I whisper, trying one last time to get a response.

I breathe a sigh of relief when they don't answer me.

I then slowly creep out of bed whilst scanning my eyes across the floor to try to find my clothes. They're scattered amongst my parent's clothing, and it's hard to tell the difference in the dark. But I'm finally able to tell the difference since my underwear is a lot smaller than my mom's

Once I find what I'm looking for, I quickly slide my underwear up my legs before slipping my t-shirt over my head. I couldn't find my shorts, though, but I'm not too mad about it.

After taking one last look at my mom and dad, and after giving them a look of discomfort as I glance at their naked bodies, I take small steps towards the door.

It doesn't take me long before I get to my room. I feel a sense of freedom as soon as my door closes, and I see my favourite plushies laying across my bed. I smile brightly as my eyes meet my stuffed unicorn. I won it at a festival, and I've loved it ever since.

"There you are." I whisper, grabbing it and squeezing it tightly

After resting it on my bed, I waste no time in grabbing my laptop. My mom barely ever lets me use it without her supervision, but I always find a way to break the rules. If she were to find out that I was going behind her back, she would be furious.

And as I'm searching for the recent episode of my favourite tv show, my eyes flicker back and forth rapidly, from my door and then back to my laptop screen. I can't help but panic, knowing that at any second they could walk in and catch me

"Come on, come on, come on," I mutter to myself, the video taking a while to load.

And when it finally appears on my screen, a bright smile is shown on my face, and I have to suppress the squeal that I was about to make. I have to remind myself to be quiet.

Mom and Dad don't like it when I disobey them; they've told me that many times before. They make me sleep in the same bed as them, despite having my own room, and now that I'm getting older, I'm starting to despise it. Plus, I don't like them seeing my body.

My mom always reminds me that I'm growing up. She told me that my chest was maturing and she took it upon herself to point out that I was growing hairs in places that I'd never before. And, as soon as she noticed that, she took a razor to every single hair. Now I'm left with a bumpy rash, and I wish she'd stop doing it.

Suddenly, my heart almost bursts out of my chest when I think that I hear a noise... I close my laptop slightly as I try to figure out whether it was just my imagination or not.

After a while, I realise that there was nothing there. But when the episode ends, it suddenly dawns on me that I have to join them again.

I tuck away my laptop underneath my bed before tiptoeing towards their bedroom. And when I open the door to their room, I feel relieved when I see them sleeping deeply.

I reluctantly pull down my underwear before taking off my shirt again. Mom would be furious if she knew that I'd put on my clothes without her permission. For some reason, she prefers me to sleep naked

I pull back the covers before slipping under them quietly. I then take a moment to let what I just did sink in. And I end up smirking as I think about how I was mischievous and how it felt so good.

But I instantly feel uncomfortable when I feel my mom's arm draped over my body, pulling me in closer to her. I hesitatingly allow it to happen, our naked bodies now pressed against one another.

Sometimes I wish that I didn't have to do this anymore. The girls at dance talk about kissing and intimacy and how it's so exciting for them, yet I think about what I do with mom and dad, and it repulses me.

I'm just too scared to ask them if it's something that they also do with their parents. I assume they might, but they never talk about it. Maybe one day I'll find out.

I soon begin to fall asleep, my eyes desperately trying to close, yet I can't stop thinking about some things. But it doesn't take long before I drift off into a deep sleep, my parents unaware of the fact that I want to begin to be more independent and to have my own personal space.