The Lost Memories

43. no way out

I've been here almost an hour now and everyone else is just starting to arrive. I wanted to get here before the rest of the team as I like to scope out the area, getting a better feel of it without the others distracting me.

Plus, I'm an outsider on the team. They may act like they want me to be here, but in reality, they don't. I'm not going to let them fool me. I'd rather just isolate myself from the rest of the team.

I look around, noticing all of the girls mingling and laughing amongst each other. I feel a sense of loneliness when I see them but I try to shake it off.

Summer is sitting alone, though. Expectedly, she's not in her costume. Instead, she's wearing a large hoodie and sweatpants. When Michelle notices this she's going to be furious.

I decide to walk down onto the field as I want to begin rehearsing. Because, unlike the rest of the girls, I actually want to be prepared. They care more about gossiping and who's fucking who, that sort of thing.

Suddenly, I pass Michelle as I walk over to the staircase. She's standing alone, a serious look on her face. She notices me immediately and I can't help but notice as she takes a moment to look over my body, envy in her eyes.

I strut as I walk past her, my mini skirt riding up my ass which I can tell bothers her. My makeup is also quite excessive but I wanted to stand out today.

I roll my eyes at her as we make eye contact; it's not my fault that she decided to get herself knocked up. If only she wasn't a sex addict then maybe she would actually have a body that she liked.

She doesn't say anything to me, unsurprisingly. She just turns away, pretending like I'm not there. I know that I bother her by just being here. She looks at me and she sees what she could've had. She sees her failed dance career and the person she could've been.

She's jealous of me, it's obvious.

I walk directly into the centre of the field and I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I ignore them though and I begin to stretch instead. I take my time to go over the dance, making sure that I remember every move.

You've got this, Richelle.

I take a moment to breathe, but in that time, I begin to feel disheartened when I realise that my mom isn't here to cheer me on today. I wish that she could've come but I know that work is really important right now.

Unlike the other girls, I have no one. I don't have a secret boyfriend, I don't have casual hookups, and I certainly don't have a stable family. I think that I've realised that I'll always be alone. I'll never have anyone that cares about me.