The Lost Memories

5. suspicious

I don't usually let Michelle watch me masturbate, but when she's not here, it's nice for us to connect in this way. It's something that's very private for me, and having someone watching just makes me feel uncomfortable. She sometimes pressures me into it, though, and I feel like I owe it to her to just agree to it.

I press my face into my pillow as I grind my clit against my hand. I bite my lip to contain the noises that I'm making. I feel sweat dripping down my back, my heart racing and my head pounding.

It's not the sexiest thing for her to watch me masturbate this way, but I've been doing it like this since I was a kid, and nothing else makes me come. Not even a vibrator can give me an orgasm as strong as this can.

I listen to the buzzing noise coming from the other end of the phone, which only adds to my excitement. Michelle's not quite as vocal as I am, so I have to leave a lot of it to my imagination. And, after a little while, the buzzing sound becomes louder as everything heightens by just how aroused I am.

And as I get closer towards finishing, I start to think of Summer and all of these crazy feelings that I've been having. And the next thing I know I've came, and she was the only person on my mind...

Fuck.

My shaking hand grabs my phone whilst I try to compose myself.

"Are you done already?" I hear Michelle ask me.

Awkwardly, I say, "Y- yeah. I mean, we can continue if you're not."

She brings her phone up to her face. "No, it's okay. I'm just not in the mood tonight; I don't think I'm gonna come anyway."

"Oh." I say, feeling like a failure.

She can clearly see that I'm worrying about that "Oh, don't worry, it's not your fault! My hormones are going crazy, and I've been feeling so bad about my body today."

"Yeah, I get it."

"You're not gonna reassure me that I'm beautiful?" She jokes.

I roll my eyes. "You're beautiful. Did that make you feel better?"

"Not really, but nothing's gonna convince me that I'm not the fattest girl on the planet right now." She tells med "My head's just been all over the place today, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologise." I try to make her feel better about it.

I decide to change the topic of our conversation as Michelle and I haven't really had time to talk and I don't know what she's planning to do. It's been over a week now, and she's not even mentioned coming home...

"So... are you coming home this week?" I ask her.

She pauses for a few seconds. "I've got a flight back on Monday..."

My heart begins to race as she says this. I don't know why, but I sort of hoped that she'd be gone for much longer than that... I mean, everything is just so peaceful right now, and when she returns, chaos is sure to break out

"T- that- that's great!" I muster up a smile.

"Yeah, I'm really excited to see you!" She says to me, "I can't wait to see your pretty face and to finally hold you again!"

She continues, "And to smack your ass." turning our conversation sexual like always.

I pretend to find it funny. "Of course you can't."

And then I watch as a serious look appears on her face. "But I mean it, Em, this time is gonna be different; I just feel it! We can finally settle down as a family, and I can put the studio drama aside and focus on us and the baby."

Like I'm gonna believe that bullshit.

"Yeah... Yeah, that sounds great."

"I know that she wasn't planned, but I just want her to have two parents that'll love and care for her." She says, seeming quite serious about it all, "Plus, you'll be a great mother, and she'll love you regardless of anything."

She always has to remind me that this baby isn't mine. I feel like she purposely stabs me in the heart with it, reminding me that I'll never have my own children who'll love me. Plus, even if I wanted to try to have that, I would fuck it up somehow.

"Yeah, it's fine." I try to hide that I'm upset.

Michelle then turns to look at something in the room before saying, "Look, I gotta go, but I'll call you again tomorrow."

"You're going already?" I ask her, "We haven't spoken much."

"Sorry, it's just that my mom wants us to have dinner at the table." She apologises whilst lying through her teeth.

"Yeah, it's okay. Just- just go and eat."

"I wish I could've stayed longer." She tells me.

"Michelle... it's fine, really."

But it's not, though; nothing is fine right now.

I'm just finishing up with my rehearsal when I hear a noise coming from the opposite end of the room... I decided to book the studio so that I could get in some solo rehearsal time. If I want a chance at being Miss International soloist, then I have to put in the work.

Immediately turning my head to see what caused the noise, I notice Richelle rushing into the office...

I quickly crouch down so that she can't see me. I'm obviously curious to know she's doing in there, and knowing Richelle, I know that she's definitely up to something.

She seems frantic as I watch as she begins to search through the desk drawers, almost like she's looking for something specific. And when she doesn't find what she's looking for inside there, I watch as she then begins digging inside a cabinet at the back of the room.

After a while, her manic searching stops, and I watch as she pauses to investigate something that she found inside there. She holds it in the palm of her hand, blocking my view. And I can't help but notice that she seems really thrilled that she's found this thing.

But before I can get a look at it, she pushes it into her pocket, a smug look on her face. I then watch as she rushes out of the office before exiting out of the same door that she entered.

What the fuck is she up to? And although I don't exactly know what's going on, I'm positive that it's got something to do with her and Michelle's rivalry. I mean, why else would she be sneaking around inside her office?

But all I know, all that I'm sure of, is that I'm definitely staying out of this.