Worth The Risk (18+)

34

*Monday*

Avery

"Test begins now."

I flip my packet over and begin working. Since this is a test, I am sitting back in my old desk along with the other students. It's a weird feeling, but I am mildly glad about it. Sitting next to Nick would definitely distract me. For me, this is an easy test, so I'm not exactly nervous but I am not completely confident either; I'm not Einstein.

Like the previous one, Nick and I barely got any time together this week and weekend. Between prepping for the test and Nick finishing up his book, most of our interactions have been in class, and through texts, not even many phone calls. I never expected to be so attached to someone before, literally wanting to be by their side all day and night. Now I understand Maya and Trey. A few times, I actually debated doing what Nina is going to do, and switch to online schooling, but that isn't ideal for my situation. This semester ends on Friday, and the next begins on January 6th, two weeks from Friday. If I decided to switch, I would not have much time to make a choice before the next semester, and it would be more difficult for me, personally. While I do enjoy school, and I'm good at it, I think doing it purely from my home, isolated, would kill my motivation. Those two reasons alone are the main factors in my decision not to switch. Not to mention, switching schools just so I can have a relationship with Nick just feels weird. I guess it's also weird to fuck your teacher, but hey... We all have different morals and standards.

Halfway through my test, I take a big gulp of water and glance around the room for a moment, to give my eyes a break. I can't help but take a peek at Nina to see if she's doing well. Of course, I can't see her test, but I'm hoping to be able to tell by her facial expressions or body language. From what I can see, she seems okay, though it's hard to tell. She's better than most people at putting on a mask when it comes to her emotions, which I've learned over time when working with her.

I feel a little bad for how I reacted last week when Nick and I discussed Nina and her wanting to switch tutors to him instead of me. I knew immediately why she wanted to, but of course he didn't. Even with the flirtatious hand-touch she did before she left, Nick seemed oblivious to her intentions. I love him, and he's incredibly smart... But not so much when it comes to getting hints or suggestive gestures. I don't think Nick knows that I saw the move she made, but that doesn't really matter anyways. 

I know I was being childish with what I said to Nick, but I wasn't thinking before I spoke. I was more upset than I expected to be and let my emotions get the best of me, which I'm usually good at not doing, but when it comes to Nick... I lose my sense of logic a little. It's not good, and I'm working on it.

I was never this afraid to lose a man before Nick. Even with my ex, I was completely confident in our relationship, despite it not being great. Of course, look how that turned out... He cheated. I figured maybe that's what changed my attitude and that's why I've been insecure in Nick and I's relationship, but I know that's not it. Being cheated on hurt, but I was lucky enough to be able to maintain my positive outlook on relationships; I know that not every guy is a cheater, or a bad person, even if the vast majority of them are, there are some good ones. 

I think my issues in this relationship stem from a few things... First, I think the biggest difference is that this is the first time in my life that I've been in love. Actual love. I adore and admire Nick for everything that he is, and he's truly my best-friend. That means that I'm naturally more attached, and more nervous to lose him. The obvious second thing is that we have to keep our relationship private. That shouldn't necessarily make a difference, because unfortunately, being in a public relationship doesn't stop people from flirting with your partner... But being a secret means that it is more likely for him to be hit on, and unfortunately, it just overall isn't ideal, which makes me worried that Nick could eventually find it not worth it and end it between us, possibly pursuing someone else that he wouldn't have to hide. Lastly, Nick is just a stupidly attractive man. I have honestly never met a guy as textbook hot as he is, and that just warrants more women flocking to him.