Before He Met Her

Chapter Twenty Nine

   It was early on a Sunday morning and just about everyone was seated together in the cafeteria for breakfast. Today was supposed to be the day that they were going to take a nature walk around the building. I had a berry yogurt parfait with some granola on top, and a herbal hot tea. The tea was supposed to help me with my bloating after meals.

  I was experiencing what they called bulimia bloat, it meant that my stomach would hurt me after eating because my body still wasn't used to keeping the food down. They said that I was doing better than before but, I don't feel like I am. I still have the urge to purge after I eat anything even just as little as a banana.

  "Thomas, you've barely eaten anything." My nurse pointed out to me. "I know I'm sorry. I said as I continued to fidget with my fingers. I could feel my stomach rumbling, I hated feeling like this.  "If you wanna go on that walk I suggest you eat something, we wouldn't want you fainting again." My nurse said to me. "I will." I said nervously as I stirred my yogurt parfait around the cup.

  Ever since I had been caught purging in the bathroom that night things have been different ever since then. I felt like I had no control over my life or my self anymore. The purging gave me a sense of control over the things that I had no control over. Now that I had to have supervision in the bathroom I couldn't do any of that anymore.

  It was really making me feel sick to my stomach, not being able to do what I had been doing the whole time. The worst part about all of this is that I can't go home again until my body gets used to me eating normally without forcing myself to vomit. It has been a week since I've been caught and its honestly been a living hell.

  *****
  "So, how are you?" Hilary asked me as we were walking with the group on the nature walk. "Honestly I'm not really sure how to answer that question." I said to her as we continued to walk next to each other. "I'm sorry that everything happened to you the way it did like that." She said to me sadly. "It's okay, there's nothing I can really do about it, it happened but I'm slowly learning how to move on from it." I told her.

"Ever since that night you passed out, I've started to care about you more and more than I ever have before." She said to me anxiously. Hearing Hilary say those words to me instantly gave me butterflies in my stomach. I couldn't help but to blush at her when I heard her tell me that, in a way it was almost like I was tongue tied or something.

"Thomas, say something." She whispered to me. "Oh, i uh t—thanks for caring about me so much." I said nervously. "I'm sorry if I weirded you out, I shouldn't have said that." She said to me. "No, you're fine don't apologize I actually think that's kinda hot." I explained to Hilary.

"Oh, you do?" I asked her. "Yeah, of course I do." I said as I could feel my whole body start to tingle. This was a good feeling one that I haven't had since before I found out that I'd been cheated on by my girlfriend with my best friend. It wasn't long before we started to hold hand's together as the walk continued on.

I could feel my palms sweating because she was making me feel nervous, but the good kind of nervous. "Keep up with us Thomas and Hilary." One of the nurses said to us. "Right, sorry." We said. Then we turned to look at each other and laugh not really knowing what else to say.

"We're just about at our destination right now." The therapist said to all of us. "That was not a very long walk." My roommate said to me as he rolled his eyes. "I've ran faster than that in under 10 minutes." I said to him. "Same." Hilary agreed with the both of us. "Ugh, it's so cold." One of the other kids said. "I said that you should all bring hoodies or jackets." The therapist said to the kid.

I was so cold but there was nothing I could do about it, I already had a hoodie on and was freezing. That was just one of the symptom's that came along with my anorexia. It was one of the symptoms that I hated the most besides the urge to purge, and the dizzy feeling that sometimes came along with fainting.