TRACE DIMAGIBA (Wild Men Series 1)

S4: 11

CHLOE

Pacing the floor is all I could do. I am thinking of what will happen next. I literally screwed everything up by staying here in Gov's mansion. Ito na nga ang iniiwasan ko dati pa. Alam kong maaring mangyari ito pero naisahan ako ni Killian sa kakadrama na masakit ang tiyan niya kahapon.

At kanina habang nagbi-breakfast kami ay tahimik na lang ako na nakikinig sa usapan ng mga kasama ko. Tahimik din si Trace. Mabuti na hindi na rin niya inulit kulitin ako sa kakapilit sabihin na nakakaalala na ako.

"Chloe..."

I turned to face Mama, who was there at the door. I didn't notice that she had already opened the door because of the many thoughts running through my mind.

"Sorry to disturb you but I was knocking, and it seems you didn't hear it."

I smiled awkwardly. "Yes, Mama. Sorry that I was listening for some music and..." I reason and shrug. Hindi ko na madugtungan ang sinasabi ko kasi mas marami akong sasabihin ay mas maraming mali. I can't sell myself that much.

"I wanna talk to you alone, CJ... That's why I'm here," Mama said in her reluctant tone.

I held her hand and guided her into bed as we sat at the edge. "What about, Mama?" I asked concernedly.

"I am so glad you are not angry with me. I am so happy you are forgiving. I am so..." Mama sighed and then pursed her lips in control of emotion.

"Mama..." I smiled at her, pressing the hand of hers that I was holding. "I'm okay..."

Mama shook her head and cuddled me after giving me a peck on my forehead. Nanatili niya akong yakap lang. "Noong..." she paused and cleared her throat, "noong malaman kong hindi mo maalala ang lahat ay nag-alala ako masyado..." she sniffled.

I didn't utter anything. Mas gusto kong siya na lang ang magsalita at baka magkamali na naman ako.

"I was crying and praying for you to be found after I was informed about the am—incident, rather. Months have passed bago tumawag si Ate Cathy kay Trace na nasa Pasadena ka na and I was so happy knowing you are safe. Alalang-alala ako pero wala akong nagawa," Mama cried. "Kahit gusto kong pumunta sa funeral ng apo ko noon ay hindi ko nagawa dahil natatakot pa akong harapin ang papa mo that time. And Trace was in hiding... wala kaming nagawang lahat kaya nakuha ka nila."

Grimness clouded my heart. I know that. Alam ko naman na hindi basta papayag si Trace na hindi ako mabawi. Alam ko na gumawa siya ng paraan na mahanap ako. And that's one of the reasons na nagpanggap na lang akong walang maalala. Pretending having no entire memories of mine made me fool Papa and Louisianna. And I got Papa's back, ayaw man sa akin ni Louisianna, at nagdududa man sa akin si Mamita, ang importante ay sa akin ang pabor ni Papa.

But Prime... I sighed. Hearing about Prime's death always makes me feel bitterness in my heart. Hindi na yata mawawala ang sakit na gawa ng nangyari. I will get used to it but never forget how painful the memory it brings.

"I'm sorry, CJ..." Mama said and hugged me tightly. "For everything, I'm sorry."

"Why did you give me away?" I asked softly. Naalala ko kasi na hindi ko nga pala natanong siya, kahit dati pa, kung ano ang dahilan at ibinigay niya ako. Nataon na noong magising siya mula sa comatose ay iniwasan naming lahat ang ma-stress siya. Basta nalaman lang namin ni Harriet na hindi kami kambal at ni-rape siya ng ama ko kaya ako nabuo.

"Your eyes..." Mama whispered.

"My eyes? Because I got it from Papa? And you don't want to remember what he did?" sunod-sunod kong tanong. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay napakababaw naman na reason ang mga mata ko. I don't know but I am expecting her to tell me na ang dahilan kaya niya ako ibinigay sa brother-in-law niya ay dahil hindi niya matanggap na naanakan siya ng lalaking nang-rape sa kaniya.