In My Opinion

Unrequited Beginnings by Lanadelreygirlie

Title: Unrequited Beginnings by Lanadelreygirl
Series: The Love Maze (book one)
Source: Gardenia: A Review Shop by -Chrysalis_Realm
Genre: Teen Fiction, Young Adult
Subgenres: Romance, Teen Chick Lit
Mature: N (bullying)
LGBTQIAP+: N

Status: Complete
First impressions: 34/40

Digging deeper: 85/100
Final thoughts: Complete

Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book, or click the link in the inline comments here. → 

*****

First impressions: 34/40

Title: 10/10
A romance story with a rocky start to the relationship? Yes. Count me in! Love this title.

Story description: 8/10
Since there's very limited space in the blurb preview, I'd move the line about this being the first in a series toward the end of the blurb. Or you could cut it out, honestly, since you repeat that detail in the last paragraph.

As far as the content of the blurb itself, I would spell "1st" out, as the abbreviation doesn't feel right in the context of a narrative. Otherwise, there are no grammatical issues until the second sentence of the last paragraph. It gets kind of clunky there, and the tone doesn't quite match the formal, flowing tone you've set previously. I'd probably split that sentence up and reword a bit, starting with putting a period after "feelings" and beginning a new sentence with "Because of this." The bit about "something not-so-good" and "whatnot" feel too informal, so I'd probably cut "not-so-good happens," making that sentence read "something that she never wanted" and then change "to happen" to "happens." Then, I'd put a comma there and continue with "and she learns," ending with "and life." The only other edit I would make is regarding the trailing periods. There should actually be just three—no more; no less. It's called an ellipsis (...).

But this definitely introduces me to what sounds like a cute young romance, so I'm in.

Cover: 8/10
The only major problem I can find with this cover is your name. It's too small to read, and it's barely visible in the white font set against light pink and white flowers. I'd bump the size up a bit and probably shift it to the lower left-hand corner, where it won't distract from the rest of the cover but will still be visible. But, otherwise, I love all the floral details and the woman in a dress walking through a field of flowers, although I think the bright teal in the middle is a bit too bright. If you could tone that down a bit so it doesn't feel so jarring, I think that would be good.

First chapter (and everything that came before it): 8/10
Author's note: This just reinforces the feeling I have that this will be a really cute romance. I put inline comments with grammatical errors where I found them, as you requested, and I'll try to do that as I read, but since I'm squeezing this review in between judging, I may have to just finish the review and come back to add the inline comments later.

Prologue: This is cute! I like the introduction to Maya's personality, and you show her immediate attraction and nearly immediate nervousness about Rohan really well. Even if he's just teasing, it's easy for that to be misconstrued as bullying, and with Maya's background, that would be off-putting. I also really like how you did the break in the fourth wall at the end. I see people try to do that all the time, but it's not an easy thing to do right, and it usually ends up with past/present verb tense issues. Overall, your grammar is pretty solid, and I put in notes wherever I found any issues. Moving on to the first chapter!