| | Indefinite Hiatus | |
I hope to return to this project someday, but it isn't feasible with my current health issues and life circumstances. I have to cut things from my workload so I can breathe. However, I still intend to complete my current li...
Source: Gardenia: A Review Shop by -Chrysalis_Realm Genre: Mystery Subgenre: Thriller Mature: Y (abduction, blood, death, epidemic, guns, medical depictions, mention of sexual assault, needles, physical assault, sexual references, strong profanity, violence) LGBTQIAP+: N Status: Ongoing First impressions: 35/40 Digging deeper: 53/100 Final thoughts: Complete Note: Chapter 20 (Death Or Not?) was the last available chapter as of the publishing of this review.
Clicking the "External Link" button below the "Continue to next part" button will take you straight to the book, or click the link in the inline comments here. →
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
First impressions: 35/40
Title: 10/10
Well, this is a very appropriate title for a book involving blood rain and a virus that causes animals to bleed internally. Readying my weak stomach. 😉
Story description: 9/10
Okay, first thing, your content is spot on and you have a fantastic hook. You've set the plot up very nicely. I find it interesting that you haven't mentioned a single character, but that's fine. It works without any characters, and that just adds to the mystery pulling the reader into the story.
Your SPAG is solid, but I do have a few stylistic suggestions that I think would punch this up a bit. Shorter phrases can add a snappy, fast edge sometimes, and there are a few areas where I think you could condense a little to achieve that. In the first sentence, you could end it after "later," which adds more mystery because you haven't named where the blood is coming from yet. Then, you could start the second sentence at "Some kind" and change "that dissolves the birds" to "is dissolving birds." I think that would add more shock value here.
Moving on to the next paragraph, adding "More" to the start of the sentence would emphasize the unspoken detail that the virus is spreading, and then I'd add "their" before "eyes," and I think you're fine to put "and" before "mouths" and stop there. The specifics are where you catch reader interest, so softening the list with "and more" or some variation of that dulls the hook a bit, I think. Then, in the next sentence, adding an em dash (—, Alt + 0151) after "source" would make "and ourselves" really stand out more. Ending the paragraph there would further punctuate the point that humans are now in danger.
For the next sentence, whether you leave it at the end of that paragraph or split it into its own, I'd reword a bit because of the two instances of "the possibility." It's a little clumsy feeling to me, and you want this to be a clean, concise statement. I'd cut "The possibility of" from the start and "of sorts" from the middle, for the same reason I cut "and more" in that other sentence. To really punch this up, you could split this sentence in two, ending after "possibility" and changing "but" to "It" to start the next sentence. Or shorten the second sentence even further: "It's real."
