Shadow | Huang Renjun

44

TW: Mentions of Self Harm

Eunah and Miyeon ended up in the park near the Angel's house, finishing off their cupcakes and watching the ducks on the pond.
After the comment in the café, Miyeon has been keeping a close eye on her friend, making sure she doesn't wander off or try making herself sick again.

To see her so... defeated is jarring to say the least. Despite the people trying to help, she seems more lonely than ever and the usual sparkle to her eyes has disappeared.
Nothing makes her happy anymore, just distracted until all the emotions come flooding back in strong currents. It hurts until it doesn't, then comes back tenfold over and over again.

If only it wasn't so familiar.

"Yeon...?"

Perking up, Miyeon turns towards her friend after agonising silence.
"Yeah?"

"I'm–" the Angel hesitates, exhaling softly from her nose.
"Can I tell you something...?"

"Of course you can."

"I've been through these kinds of feelings before..."

Surprised, Miyeon raises her brows and places a hand over Eunah's
"What do you mean?"

"I– when I was part of Yijun's group, they– everything was always my fault... I couldn't defend myself or be honest about anything without all the blame being on me. Someone insults me and I get upset? I'm being uptight and can't take a joke. I don't understand something? I'm stupid or purposefully fucking them around.
I guess I knew they were looking for excuses to kick me out, but I didn't want to believe it because– well, they were all I had. Maybe I was annoying, maybe I overstayed my welcome, but– until Mark came along, I didn't have any other friends."

"Oh... babe, I'm sorry."

"It's okay, not your fault. I just– when they finally kicked me out, I went through a lot of the stuff I am now. Only this time, it's actually my fault and so, so much worse..."

The Nightmare leans over, wrapping arms around Eunah in a reassuring hug and rubbing her back. She returns the hug with a sigh, burying her face into the crook of her friend's neck.

"You know... you know how Angels can heal people?" Eunah mumbles.

"Mhm?"

She leans back, instead fiddling with her bracelets– head lowered in a guilty manner.

"If you shine divine light over the healed area, you can see a gold shimmer where the scars would be..."

Her hand hovers over the opposite wrist, shining a patch of light over it. Miyeon's own hand comes to cover her mouth, which has dropped open in shock.
Littering the Angel's wrist are a plethora of sparkling, gold lines where thick scars would be if she hadn't healed them. They're erratic, clearly done out of desperation, but it's hard to tell how recent.

"What– when did this happen...?" Miyeon asks, hesitant.

"A long while ago, don't worry."

Despite being told not to worry, she takes hold of Eunah's hand and gently rubs the wrist area, brows furrowed.
"And you want to do this again...?"

"I don't– I don't know... I just thought– maybe showing you would make things easier to understand."

"Babe, I think you need to talk to Renjun soon. I know you're not ready yet, but if you feel this bad then surely that's better?"

Exhaling softly, Eunah nods and pulls her hand away to rest on her thighs.
"Yeah, maybe..."

"I'm not gonna force you to do anything you don't want, just think about it. You might not be able to turn either if you're like this, since the hellfire will prioritise syphoning your negative energy over the transformation. It'll burn you to death."

"Oh."

"Then the only other option would be somehow removing your wings yourself. Unless you want to try staying an Angel?"

She immediately shakes her head, adamant that she can't stay an Angel now under any circumstance. Cutting ties with the Angels' mission has already made that near impossible. She's a traitor now, and is in constant suspense about when her punishment will come.

"Talk to him," Miyeon repeats, placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.
"It can't hurt more than it already does."

~~~~

Eunah didn't go home after saying goodbye to Miyeon, instead letting her parents know she'll be staying at the park to think for a while.
She sits at the edge of the pond, jeans rolled up and bare feet dangling into the cool water– causing ripples every time they move.

It's getting dark now, the Angel having been here for hours on end, just staring at the scenery with a heavy heart and a whirlwind of thoughts.

She shouldn't have been left alone.

Her fingers run over her wrist, the golden lines gone yet she can still feel them tingle. They're years old by now, but the sense of peace and control they gave her is still fresh in her mind.
She promised herself she'd never do it again, as tempting as it might be, and intended to do her best to keep that promise.

Something wet lands on her leg, hand coming to wipe her cheek which is suddenly cold against the breeze. She glances down at her fingers, sighing at the sight of glittery tears beading on her skin.

Gold. Again.

Are her organs also gold? Perhaps her DNA strands? That would be just great.

A surge of anger fills her chest, pent-up frustration now bubbling over after trying to keep it in check for so long. She hates it. She fucking hates it.

All of this could've been solved if she wasn't a stupid, fucking Angel. If she wasn't a liar, a betrayer, a worthless pile of pathetic shit.

Promise be damned, her wings are coming off whether it's a good idea or not. God doesn't deserve the satisfaction of doing it themselves.

~~~~

Sorry I haven't been updating recently! The heat is calming down now, but I'm struggling with writer's block and just can't seem to focus on this story at all.

It's slowly getting there, but I think I just needed a small break. Especially since it's getting more... heavy in topic and I don't want to come off as insensitive with poor writing.

Please do let me know of any constructive criticism you might have, I want to cover these things respectfully.