Wait for You (wlw) (Bitter spin-off)

twenty-seven

Mei's pov

I had never found it so difficult not to think about someone in my whole life. Whatever I did, saw, thought about reminded me of Vic and her smile, her dark brown eyes, her adorable dimples and every other detail that came up to my mind.

Whenever I'd been in a relationship, even with Sarah, I thought I knew what having a crush felt like, but I was wrong. Or at least, the crushes I'd had weren't as strong as the one I had on Vic. And I'd been feeling like that since not long after I stupidly told her I didn't want anything serious with her, when I realized how worse off I was without her.

I only fully understood how much of a good impact she's had on my life once we weren't speaking anymore, and I couldn't even complain about it because it was all because of me. In those summer months during which it seemed like we were actually going to become more than friends with occasional benefits, I'd opened up with her about things I'd never told anyone, and I hadn't felt like I could be my true self with someone in a really long time.

But I only realized that when I found myself without her for four months, unable to stop thinking about her, wishing I could text her but also knowing that she hated me, and that even if she didn't, my inability to commit would once again get in the way.

When I maybe too impulsively went to her house at Thanksgiving I was shocked to hear that she was actually willing to try again with me, and most importantly wait for me to feel ready for it, because I just assumed she was rightfully done with me.

Once we had that conversation, I spent a month really trying my best to get my shit together. I reflected on what I was missing on and how much my life could be better with her in it, and there was no point in being scared our relationship would fail because of me if we didn't even give it a try. I also thought about how much unnecessary suffering I was causing Vic by leading her on for so long, and imagining her being sad because of me for months was enough to motivate me to work on myself. I'd already started to embrace my own emotions instead of drowning them down with dumb methods such as drinking, but I tried my best to completely stop by then.

I was totally committed to getting my insecurities under control for Vic. I knew I couldn't suddenly get rid of them all, but trying was already a start. I wanted to be with Vic, and being aware of the fact that she wanted to be with me was the biggest motivation I could ever receive.

Spending a whole day with her after New Year's was the confirmation of how much I wanted that, because it somehow felt more right than anything that had happened to me in a long time. I couldn't even believe it was happening. But I knew I was finally ready.

Once we arrived in New York and were at El's place, it was hard for me to not be as close as Vic as I wanted, and to resist the urge to kiss her every few minutes, but I also understood it was better to not make El's moment about us.

And I also wasn't sure about what we would have told her anyway, we didn't exactly label things between us. Or more like I asked if we could not label ourselves yet.

Regardless of it all, it seemed that we both couldn't get enough of each other. Once I'd gone back to my place the first evening in New York, she soon after texted me and we ended up talking on the phone for the following two hours.

And the same exact thing happened the next day, after we'd spent the day with El as we were also able to convince her to go out for a while, having spent more than a week indoors. By the time the day was over, Vic and I both noticed how better she seemed to be feeling, which made me really happy. She'd been there for me during some hard moments in the past two years, so I was more than glad to help her in any way I could. Luckily, she was feeling better enough to go back to work the next day.