Love on the brain

Tonight

I quickly got off Jabari and pulled down my dress, I knew my best friend wouldn't be mad at me for bursting a nut with Jabari but she'd be mad that I left her dinner for such a long time. Truth is, she was entertaining her other friends.

"I've always know you ain't shit Jabari" she said as she pushed his head. These two knew each other? That's funny because when I asked her about Jabari she paused and said nothing. We got out the car and she held my hand. "It's time to go, literally everyone kept wondering where you were" I looked back to see Jabari standing by his door, taking one last look at me.

When we got to the party, everyone asked about my whereabouts and some guessed it right, it seems like Jabari is well known. He probably went to the same school as them or something. We took all Mo's gifts and put them in the car before we both got in. "You have to tell me how you know Jabari, it's so weird like what, we're fucking on the same dude?" I asked softly and calmly.

"He hit on almost everyone at that party, he made out with Lesego" she threw her shoes off and got comfortable. "You're not answering my question though" I insisted. She scrunched her face in confusion, "you don't care that he's a hoe?" She asked, I nodded as quickly as I could. It was as if I wasn't supposed to have feelings for him. He was my first, he was so gentle and so loving, yes, it's a red flag to talk to that many people all at once but I can't delete my emotions.

I shake my head as Mo's mother breaks the silence and awkwardness. I drown myself in all the instagram story replies and text messages I got. The first thing I do is try find Jabari on the WhatsApp group chat, and I did. I texted him, hoping for a text immediately but nothing came through.

Kabelo🖤

Brat
You home?

Nah I'm at Mo's house, why?

Nah I'm just checking.

How are you?

I'm good thanks and yourself?

I'm good 🥰

We need to talk about something but we'll talk once you're home

I'm only going home next week so I think you should just tell me😩

I think I'm ready.

Ready for?😂

To be with you... officially

I felt my heart racing, I couldn't breathe. I quickly opened the window and gulped some water as I kept rereading his texts. He has never said that to me, I never thought in a million years he'd utter such words.  He sent a voice note of explaining how he'll be moving closer to me and he thinks our relationship would work, he was laughing but that's cause he's nervous. I didn't now how to feel anymore. I felt excited that the love of my life is finally coming to his senses on the other hand I kept thinking about Jabari.

Flashback

"I don't understand what more you want from me when I've explained to you that I don't want to be in a relationship with you. I'm not gonna sit here and lie to you, sell you a dream that I can't fulfil, I just can't Brat. I think it's best if we leave it at that because I'm hurting you , we just keep hurting each other, it's not right." Kabelo said this as he sat beside me in the cafeteria. Tears fell down my face as he broke it off with me, whatever this was, this situationship that we kept dragging for 2 years now. I felt my heart shatter into smaller pieces, I felt like there's this sharp pain in my chest that needed me to lay still and not breathe, in other words die.

End of Flashback.

Mo, her cousins and I made our way into her bedroom and I ran to the bathroom so I can get my privacy, privacy to think of what Kabelo said. He wants to be my boyfriend which is so weird, I FaceTime him as I do my skincare routine. "How sure are you about this?" I ask and he told me how his friends have been on his case about becoming a better person. I have every reason not to trust Kabelo, he has broken my trust a million times, shown me how unserious he is about me and disappointed me but I love him.

I love him so much, in ways that nobody can understand, Kabelo is my man, the only one made for me. He just gets me, he knows me more than I know myself, he gives me so much life, so much courage. I could never really show him how much I love him because that would scare him off or it would be embarrassing for me.

"I have to ask you in person, you know, in a more romantic way. I can't be asking you to be my girl over the phone" he took a sip from his cup and I smiled so hard I could feel the tension in my cheeks. We spoke about it in more detail, I really hope he's serious, I hope we actually become an item. I know for a fact I'd hide it from my friends only because they would judge me. We say our goodbyes and I come out the bathroom, all the girls were looking at me like they heard everything I was talking about.

"So where were you tonight?" This girl with blonde hair and a pair of glasses asked me, she looked nerdy, but she was gorgeous. All the girls wanted to know where I was, my best friend, couldn't care less about this conversation or even investing her time in it. The chattering went on about how Jabari tried everyone that was sitting here in this room, how he's a hoe and how he is not to be trusted. They were all in the same school at some point and apparently Jabari is some sort of a bad boy, I'm not surprised but I really wanted him to text me.

"I actually have a man" I blurted out, I got sick and tired of the girls warning me and treating me like I'm stupid, I was for Jabari, but I couldn't let them know that I lost my virginity to a boy I'd possibly never seen again.

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Is she counting her chickens before they hatch or is Kabelo serious about her this time?