Love on the brain

Sandcastles

A few weeks passed and all I've been doing is suddenly exercising more, eating healthy, getting driving lessons and reconnecting with God. I thought I lost him, during this time in my life, I felt undeserving of his love and support. I felt like God will never forsake me but I did, all the things I did, focusing on the wrong things. I was hurting and I didn't turn to God. Instead, I thought getting under the next man would make me feel better and distract me from the bigger things and that was wrong. Kabelo hurt me, at that time, he was the love of my life and my whole focus was on him. That's probably why we didn't last.

Jermaine too, I indulged in the wrong things and now look at me, due in a week. I think my baby is an eye opener and a blessing from God and I'm grateful. I started praying more often, attending more church and helping out at church. If anything should distract me from my issues, it should be doing Gods will. I close my journal before drinking my tea. It's 6 am in the morning and I need to take a shower. I don't sleep anymore, I wake up at 4 am, exercise for a few minutes because doing all of this with a fully developed human being is hard. I pray and meditate after that and then I go about my day.

Today I have to go see Kabelo and baby One, help him out with the baby since his mom went to North West for a funeral. "Good morning Ntombi" my dad speaks as he sees me from his office. "Hey dad" I say as I stretch my back. "How are you feeling?" He asked and I smiled. "I'm good, I'm just tired" I said as he hugged me. We held small conversation about taking it easy and resting but the sudden energy I have won't let me.

After my shower, I felt my baby kick as I massaged my belly and I laughed. "Okay baby, you're hurting mommy now" I said and my baby continued. "Child, you will hear from your daddy, relax" I said as I finished massaging my belly. "Sis" Lwandle walked in abruptly and I turned around, annoyed out my mind. "What do you want?" I asked. "Your body looks so squished" she said and I threw my wig at her. "Get out" I said and she laughed as I waddled my way to my closet. "Can you cover for me? I wanna see my man tonight" she asked and I shook my head.

"Come on mommy" she asked and I scrunched my face. "You even have a bigger nose when you do that" she said and I rolled my eyes. I took out sweat pants and a crop top. "Please" she asked and I nodded before she hugged me and left. "Your aunt is a character" I said as I chuckled. I did my hair and put on my sneakers. "I'm tired of covering you up" I said as I wore a jacket on top, still exposing my belly.

"Dad I'm out" I said to my dad and he said goodbye. I went to Kabelo's car and directly checked baby Ona first. "She's so pretty" I say as I stroke her hair. I pushed the seat back and struggled to get in his car since it's a bit low. "You are heavily pregnant" he said as he helped me in. "No shit" I say sarcastically, not pleased at all. "Hey Nugget" he said as he rubbed my tummy and I side eyed him. "Kabelo no, how many times did I tell you that my baby is not a boy" I said without a smile on my face. "And who gave you the permission to call my baby your favourite food?" I asked and he laughed.

"Burger king or Roco mamas?" He asked and I said Rocomamas. There's this salad from Roco mamas that I've been eating Everytime I eat out and it has tomatoes. Tomatoes are not a good idea at all because the heartburn it comes with. We drove to Roco mamas and that's when Ona started crying, "she could definitely smell it from here" I laughed and he smiled as he drove. "Don't cry princess, daddy's right here" he said and I either felt butterflies in my tummy or my baby moved a bit. "I think I have a breeding fetish" I thought out loud as I covered my mouth and laughed and he chuckled. "What are you on Brat?" He said as he licked his lips and I shook my head as I laughed.

We were done ordering some food and he carried Ona while I carried the food. "Thank you Ona's dad" I said as he opened the door for me and I smiled at him. I got inside and looked at him put Ona inside the car. "I can't believe I'm giving birth soon" I said as he got in the car. "You worried?" He asked and I nodded. "I don't wanna..." he tried to speak but he interrupted. "Don't even say it" he said and I nodded softly knowing it's a sensitive topic.

He lost his babies mother, that's probably going to be the hardest thing, it already is. He probably feels the pressure of doing this without any help, having to get a part-time job while studying. He has to take care of a whole baby alone, a girl even. He has to learn everything about girls, products, hairstyles, style, emotions and functions. I'm making it sound like a robot that he needs to take care of but there's just so many things with girls that he has to learn. He needs to be both the father and the mother and it's not easy.

This baby will one day yearn for a mother, not a mother figure but her mom. She'll question a part of her identity because she never knew her mom but Atleast Kabelo composed all her videos, personal vlogs and stored them so she can go back and look at them. Her mom was a well known influencer so I think she'll find closure in that.